Star Trek

Reviewed by Mike

"Space... the final frontier. These are the voyages of the star-ship 'Enterprise'. Her on-going mission: to explore strange, new worlds, to seek out new life forms and new civilizations, to boldly go where no one has gone before."

I was going to watch Jackie Chan's First Strike tonight, but I only got through the first 15 minutes before I realized I didn't know what the fuck was going on. The dubbing wasn't what threw me off- I truly had no clue what was happening. It wasn't until later that I found out (thanks, Wikipedia) that this flick is the fourth installment in Chan's police story series. I'll pass on this one for now...

I decided to hop on Netflix and see what I could find- it came down to Sphere (Dustin Hoffman, Samuel L. Jackson, Sharon Stone) and the latest Star Trek film. While Sphere is a great movie, I've seen it too many times to count. I passed on the new Star Trek when it hit theaters, but I've heard good things; the choice was obvious.

I'm a Star Wars fan through and through (the original trilogy, at least), but I do enjoy Star Trek. I've seen all the previous Star Trek films and a few episodes of the show when it airs now and again on SyFy, but that's mostly it. So when I watched the latest installment in the film series, I was going on word-of-mouth more than anything. Here's what I thought...

This movie was fucking awesome.

The beginning was everything that I enjoyed from previous films in the series: explosions and an epic space battle. We start off with a ship, the USS Kelvin, that is under attack from an unknown, gigantic space cruiser that appears to be half hidden by a God damn lightning storm. After the attacking vessel demands to see the captain of the USS Kelvin, some random guy gets put in command. That random guy? George Kirk, James T. Kirk's father.

We see the previous captain head over to the enemy ship and get questioned about some guy named Spock- here we get a few hints that this ship is from the future. The captain of the enemy ship pulls out a ridiculous looking trident weapon (Poseidon would get a chubb if he saw this thing) and skewer the captain with it. Meanwhile back on the USS Kelvin, Kirk (Chris Hemsworth, who we'll soon see play mother fucking Thor) is busy evacuating the ship and saving everyone's life- he's a bit late on the whole evacuation though, and a ton of people bite the dust by way of laser beams and getting sucked into the void of space via holes in the ships hull.

Two of the people that make it out of the doomed ship are a pregnant Wionna Kirk (Jennifer Morrison) and her child, Jim. She gives birth to JTK on the escape shuttle and so a legend is born.

This time around, Kirk isn't played by the man we all know and love, Canadian-born actor of stage and screen William Shatner. Chris Pine is brought in for the portrayal as the younger version of the soon to be spaceship captain- a man who, in this flick, is young, reckless and, well, pretty bad-ass (he's all about bar fights, grabbing the titties and hardcore boozing).

After a great scene filled with bar fights, titty grabbing and boozing (it's his M.O.), Kirk has an eye-opening conversation with Captain Christopher Pike (Bruce Greenwood), who persuades him to do something with his life and join the Starfleet Academy. To be honest, this seems like a drunken whim that Kirk will regret once he sobers up (Lord knows I've done this more than I can remember), but he agrees to it and heads to the dock the next morning for "boot camp". We are then introduced to Leonard McCoy (Karl Urban), a nervous nelly who is worried about everything from his blood boiling to his eye's bleeding.

Fast-forward three years to Krik banging a green chick. In the coming scenes, we see that he and McCoy have become friends and Kirk confides in his best buddy that he is up to take the Kobayashi Maru test for a third time. The test, which was created to test the mettle of any possible star-ship captains or crew members,  is pretty much impassable. Kirk is ousted as a cheat by the creator of the test, Spock (Zachary Quinto), and is forced to explain himself in front of the academic board at the Starfleet Academy.

Before anything can be determined, a distress call comes in from Planet Vulcan and all the cadets are sent to the ship bay to get sent out to help the cause. Spock, McCoy, and Kirk all board a ship, which turns out to be the newly built USS Enterprise. There we meet back up with Captain Pike, the black girl from the bar fight scene (who turns out to be Uhura, played by Zoe Saldana), Hikaru Sulu (John Cho) and Pavel Chekov (Anton Yelchin). When they arrive at Vulcan, shit is popping OFF. Everything is blown up and all communication with the planet is being blocked by the same lightning storm/ship from the beginning of the film.

It turns out the Romulans are behind it all and, once again, demand to see the ships captain... sorry Capt. Pike, hope you like tridents to the gut. Meanwhile, Spock is in charge of the ship and Sulu, Kirk and some jackass named Olsen get sent to unblock whatever it is that is messing with the transmission between planet and space. Olsen gets killed in a pretty ridiculous way, which any Star Trek fan could have seen coming: dangerous mission and two main characters and a random dude get sent in- we all know who isn't walking away from this one...

The blocker, which turns out to be a giant drill, gets disabled, Kirk and Sulu get beamed back to the Enterprise in the nick of time, and Vulcan is demolished thanks to a bomb that gets sent to the center of the planet via the giant hole the drill dug. The bomb is full of red matter, which creates a black hole upon detonation (it turns out that the lightning we've been seeing are actually these black holes).

Spock tried to save his family from the ensuing crisis by leaving the ship, but he's only able to save a handful of people, including his father (sorry momma Spock, you're done!). Out of 6 billion people on Vulcan, only about ten thousand have made it; Spock is fucking mad.

Next we see Captain Pike get questioned by the same mad captain from earlier, Captain Nero (Eric Bana), and, while he's spared the trident, he is force-fed a bug that while latch onto his brain stem and make him give up Federation secrets- give me the trident any day.

We find out here that Nero has a vendetta against Spock and the Federation, whom he blames for the destruction of his planet, Romulan. Kirk is sent to a random snow planet after he gets into a fight with acting captain Spock. We also learn (from Spock Prime played by none other than Leonard Nimoy) that an older Spock promised to save Romulan after a star exploded by making a black hole using the red matter. Unfortunately, Spock Prime is unable to fulfill his promise and Nero decides that he is going to capture him, send him to the planet with the best view of Vulcan, and destroy that shit. Take that, Spock Prime.

Kirk, still on the random snow planet, runs into Scotty (Simon Pegg) who helps Kirk and himself beam back to the Enterprise. There, Kirk gets Spock to give up his captain-ship by making him mad, thus "compromising his ability to command." The rest of the flick is basically Kirk taking command and saving the fucking day, per usual.

I really enjoyed this film and I regret not seeing it in theaters. The special effects were fantastic. There is also plenty to go around for Star Trek nerds, from hints to the old films and television series, to the music in the credits (it's the theme from the series). It's also chock full of the lines everyone knows from the show, like "Live long and prosper" to "Dammit, man... I'm a doctor not a physicist!" We even get to see the Vulcan nerve pinch.

I'd have to go back and watch the previous ten films, but I must say this has been my favorite one in the series. I thought Chris Pine did an awesome job portraying a younger, rougher Kirk. The cast was fantastic, the special effects were top notch, the storyline, while confusing in some parts, was interesting and full of action. I, along with the rest of Star Trek Nation, am really hoping for another film with this cast.


4 out of 5

Sin City

Reviewed By Steve Kochems

I don't think people really believe me when I tell them some of the assignments I get in school. I'm doing a philosophy project out of Lego's. I got to play ping pong with my favorite author last month. And last week I had to watch Sin City. School is tough.

I honestly tried to not like this movie. And it’s the fault of fan boys who praise it as the God of all movies, but they probably don’t even understand why it’s good; It is very good. This is in part to the fact that the author of the graphic novel, Frank Miller, was brought on as co-director. He and Robert Rodriguez (Machete, Planet Terror) used the novel as a storyboard and adapt it nearly shot-for-shot. So in turn, the graphic novel is probably quite good. But there are things out of the ordinary at work in this story that make it a refreshing film to watch.

First off, it breaks the traditional plot structure that a film will use and replaces it with two mini stories and another framed around those two. Marv (Mickey Rourke), a brute, Dwight (Clive Owen), a crafty assassin, and Hartigan (Bruce Willis), a gunned down cop, all get their own little story and each is paired with an equally strong female, which I’ll get to in a minute. I noticed that each of their journeys that we see is driven by a simple motive evoked by some dick character. Marv is fueled by revenge, Dwight seeks to maintain independence for the girls of Sin City, and Hartigan is driven by love in its purest form. While the stories don’t completely intertwine, they each stand on their own with subtle hints at one another. The best use of this is when we get a quick shot of Marv at the end of the film when following Hartigan. It might be the best shot of the film because it says so much with so little, Marv being driven too far by his need to avenge a lover certainly deserves what he gets at the finale of his story, but when we see him later it’s before any of that happens. And even though we know his eventual fate, at that point he is just sitting in the bar having a drink with a smile on his face.

This is certainly the best adaptation of a comic or graphic novel because of how literally it is translated from the page. The cinematography is an outstanding representation of Miller’s novel. From the slight additions of color to the primarily black and white setting (clear representation of the polarized good and evil of the narrative) to the artistic contrast, most notably in Hartigan’s final scene, of each shot, Sin City really blew me away with its look alone.

Now, in a film where most of the women are dancers or prostitutes, I think that it has some of the strongest representations of females. Jessica Alba’s innocent Nancy grows before us from an innocent young girl to a strong woman that endures some of the worst ordeals one can imagine, but she does them without yielding anything to her gruesome captor. Shellie (Brittany Murphy) and Wendy (Jamie King) both show the rough side in what little screen time they get, but the big gun on the feminine side is Gail (Rosario Dawson). The fearless leader of Old City prostitutes, she and her girls slice and shoot anyone who crosses them. So while it appears to be a film primarily about the journeys of three men, it is through the women of Sin City that the stories move forward and each male is able to succeed.

As much as I wanted to hate this film, I really loved it. That’s tough to do because I’m awfully stubborn about that stuff, but it really earned it. It has three great stories presented beautifully and isn’t afraid to step on any toes. Certainly all the characters that die deserve to, though some of them are satisfied if that needs to be their end. Overall, a real quality film.

5 out of 5

Lo

Reviewed by Mike 

"If what you're telling me is true, and I'm sure it is... the simple fact is, you're fucked. You don't get outta hell, cousin."

At the recommendation of a friend, I jumped on Netflix today and downloaded the 2009 dark comedy/horror flick Lo. Written and directed by Travis Betz, this flick is as interesting as it was entertaining.

The premise of the film is pretty intriguing in itself: a man summons a demon to find his girlfriend, who was kidnapped by other demons and carried off to hell. That's one plot line that I've never heard before... sounds interesting?

The film starts with a man, Justin, sitting in the center of a detailed/ornate pentagram on the floor, lighting various candles around him. At his lap is something that looks an awful bit like the fucking Necronomicon. He opens it to a page titled "Lo", which has a creepy looking drawing of a demon on it. His place marker is a picture of a girl, presumably his girlfriend.

He then takes the necessary steps to conjure up the demon- cutting his hand, chanting weird words and shit like that. Lo and behold (ha-ha), everything works and Lo (Jeremiah Birkett) is summoned. A creepy looking demon with a bald head and no nose (Lord Voldemort?), Lo has great powers- he displays them by summoning this rat looking demon and making its head explode.

Justin informs Lo that he summoned the creature for a girl and love, much to the displeasure of the demon. It turns out the previous owner of Justin's Necronomicon was his girlfriend April, who was captured/kidnapped/stolen by some demons.

We go on, with the clever use of flashbacks set like a play, to see how Justin and April met, watch a strange prom-style band (Jeez and the Go 2 Hellz) play a song about how the Devil crated a demon girl (April?), see a mind-reading hand wound, and other events in the relationship of April and Justin.

The humor in this movie is pretty damn funny. Justin (Ward Roberts) never really seems like he knows what the hell he's doing- he obviously shouldn't be meddling in the supernatural, especially in the dark arts. The dialogue is also pretty funny, particularly on Lo's end. Some highlights include him showing off his powers and then saying to Justin, "Now... clean the shit from your pants and tell me what you want." Or when Justin reveals his girlfriend was kidnapped by demons, shows Lo a gruesome claw wound on his chest and Lo replies "Are you sure it wasn't a bear? I heard they're getting braver these days."

However, the most ridiculous line of the movie (and there were a lot) was when the demon who kidnapped April told Justin that, "You can't summon two demons at once! It would be like trying to fuck two girls with one dick... shish kabob."

The utter lack of respect that Lo has for Justin is also funny, with the demon constantly putting him down; He refers to him only as "little bitch" and "dinner" throughout the film.

While it was full of plenty "what the fuck?" moments, this film struck me as both entertaining (highly entertaining) and very unique. It was set in one room (for the most part), which gave the feeling of a play you might see on Broadway (or any local theater, really)- this idea is further established by the flashbacks in the film, which take place on a stage, red curtain and all. The special effects were at a minimum, which made the film that much better. Lack of effects made the story, dialogue and acting all that much more interesting and, in my opinion, better- the focus was on the bare essentials, not flash and dazzle.

Great acting, great story, great characters... this films was... well, pretty great. A new and interesting twist on the classic Love Story genre (as well as the ending), this is one film I would recommend to anyone.


3.5 out of 5

The Exorcist

Reviewed By Steve Kochems

I don’t want to be one to hate on classic horror films, but I’ve got to be honest with myself and you're all here. The Exorcist was a movie that everyone has heard about and probably seen. It’s revered for lines like “your mother sucks dicks in hell” and the gruesome appearance of a young girl possessed by a demon. The promise of the premise (as it’s called) is certainly worth watching and lives up to the rumors, but people neglected to mention that it doesn’t come until about 90 minutes into the film.

I’m going to avoid any synopsis here because like I said, most everyone knows what this movie is about. But in my most recent required viewing for Film Genre, I found myself twiddling thumbs on many occasions early in the film. Director William Freidkin really could have used a better editor. There’s no reason for us to spend almost 12 minutes at the start of the film in Northern Iraq following a priest who doesn’t appear again until the end of the film. That whole scene could be shown in less than two minutes and probably give more information than we get in those ten. 

Instead, the film only grazes the surface of Father Karras (Jason Miller), who seems to be the only possible protagonist available to us. Had we followed him from the start and his relationship with his dying mother, we could understand more why the ending is as good as it is. It would make the first act feel much more focused if we stayed within their town, watching Karras dealing with the guilt of his mother’s death and the growing demon inside of Regan (Linda Blair).

That being said, the final 30 minutes is really some of the best cinema available. It’s just a shame that it comes after so much other flab. Had things been more focused earlier to lead into the incredible ending we are given, the film would have simply blown me away as both a truly terrifying film and a well written one.

I’m really disappointed because I was extremely excited to see this film, not just based on its reputation but because the only other film I had seen by Freidkin was Bug, which is also the only film I have ever walked out on. I suppose it makes sense now.

2 out of 5

The Killer Inside Me

Reviewed by Steve Kochems

Gratuitous violence is not something that is of particular interest to me. Seeing people mangled or beaten just isn't the type of entertainment that I'm looking for. But when I saw the first trailer for this film, I've got to say I was quite interested. It didn't hurt that Stanley Kubrick had called it "probably the most chilling and believable first-person story of a criminally warped mind I have ever encountered." It's cast also drew me in; Casey Affleck gets to shine again with a psychologically troubled character, teetering on a border of gentleman and sociopath (much like in the Assassination of Jesse James). I also felt it might give an opportunity for both Kate Hudson and Jessica Alba to play characters with range, i.e. not a romantic comedy. All these things had me fairly excited to see this film, but then I watched it.

Now, I had thought I'd seen just about as brutal a film as one can witness with the 2002 French film Irreversible. I was quite surprised at how close The Killer Inside Me comes to that level and it really is unfortunate. Lou Ford is certainly a disturbing young man (again, the perfectly cast Affleck) who we follow on a trail of, well, unnecessarily horrific acts. The film opens with him trying to run a whore out of town, played by Alba, but when the she fights back and starts to hit him, we can see Ford's patience erode each time she slaps him. Finally he fights back and whips her (mind you this is only the beginning of how graphic this film gets, but this should be the only time i mention it specifically). Afterward, he apologizes and returns to his gentlemanly ways, but Alba tells him she liked it. This not so much triggers something in his character as reveals it to the audience (which we later see has stemmed deeper through his flashbacks) how truly fucked up this guy is.

Through the course of the film, it seemed his pleasure was not masochistic but rather out of some necessity to him. He didn't enjoy the pain in killing his loved ones but took some sort of pleasure out dominating the women in the film. All the men he kills seem to be only to avoid consequence, not to mention the fashion in which he executes (hehe, get it?) these murders.

My distaste for this movie is completely separate from the quality of the film itself. Affleck is spot on again, and the rest of the cast fill their roles well, especially a late entry by Bill Pullman. The cinematography is excellent also, it had the look and feel of Jim Thompson's novel, and I'm certainly interested to see more work by director Michael Winterbottom. But overall it's just simply too graphic and doesn't really try to disguise anything. What Winterbottom gains out of this is a raw and realistic feel the film has, but I suppose then it feels too raw and real for my liking. I simply wouldn't be able to stomach it over a meal. The pacing, casting, script, and directing are all in place, but the subject matter is simply too graphic, which may not be the case with some of you.

Overall, I'd have to say I'm a little disappointed. All the parts that I had high hopes for were in place and well executed, but I just couldn't stomach the violence. Maybe I ate some bad seafood, who knows. If you like that sort of thing, then this is certainly a movie for you. If I take nothing else away from it, The Killer Inside Me works as an excellent character piece, much like Kubrick said, and really reveals a lot about human nature and masculinity to some extent, but that's for another conversation.


3 out of 5