A Sidebar: Green Lantern

by Steve Kochems

Something’s bothered me the past few days and I wasn’t entirely sure what until now. It’s not the new west coast time, or the lack of clouds in Fresno, CA (they have none apparently). No, it was a scene in the Green Lantern, which I reviewed a few days ago. And now, at 4:40 in the morning, I’m gonna talk this out with myself.

(WARNING: This rant CONTAINS SPOILERS and is NOT my official review of the film)

Most of us could probably agree that superhero movies, and hell, most action, sci-fi, or fantasy movies in general, are about someone going through extraordinary changes or events and emerging as the better man, sometimes physically and/or mentally, but almost always ethically. However this scene, and in turn the movie as a whole, I’m gonna discuss goes against that rule. Why? Because it makes the Green Lantern Corps philosophy and Hal Jordan himself an elitist asshole.

Stay with me.

So the scene is that Hector Hammond, previously a social reject and disappointment to Andy Dufresne, has become infected with some alien contamination and has telepathic powers from a fear entity. However, it has caused him to look even more deformed as his head is gigantic and he sweats all the time, in addition to the already creepy Malkovich look he had going on.

Hector wants to make it as a scientist and gets his big break with this whole alien business and his dad hooking him up. Meanwhile, Hal Jordan gets chosen by a magical ring to be given special powers because the ring “saw something in him.” It’s attracted to fearlessness, you know... like a high school girl.

Now, I’m not against these lead-in’s above, however these two things collide in the scene that’s been keeping me from sleeping and create some moral questions as to what the film is suggesting. After Hector’s killed his dad for being a dick, he kidnaps Hal’s love interest Carol, a woman who Hal could have admittedly had but chose not to because he would’ve “screwed it up,” somewhere in a corner Hector cried because he was an ugly dude who never got the chance. Hal shows up to save the day and tells Big Head he’ll give him the Green Lantern ring if he lets her go, so that he can “be anyone, do anything.”

The whole crux of Hector kidnapping her is because he’s loved her since childhood but she’s never given him the time of day or chance because he looks like this guy to my left here.

Instead she’s been flying around with Hal, dropping him the occasional free-bang while he continues not to commit or give a shit. He wants to be like Hal, look like Hal, you know, so he can have a chance.

So Hector accepts the ring and puts it on. He then says he lied and wouldn’t let her go regardless. To me, this makes no sense for Hector’s character and is just thrown in there because he’s the bad guy and he’s gotta say that. Why would he want her to look mutated now if he can make himself look attractive enough for her? (Sidebar on the Sidebar: he’s a telepath at this point, how the hell did he not see this very obvious trick coming?)

However, our hero has lied as well, saying that the ring has to choose you and not just anyone can use it. “Haha! Jokes on you asshole!” Somewhere I hoped to find a picture of the Green Lantern punching a poor immigrant family with a similar caption.

The ring swoops back to Hal and he blasts poor Hector in the face and catches Carol from falling and keeps her from being injected with urine or whatever that was. I guess it’s a good thing he’s handsome, otherwise he wouldn’t be able to do all that. And then poor Hector is incinerated and Hal flies off into space to punch a giant cloud into the sun (Another Sidebar on the Sidebar: if the Green Lantern can create anything they can think of, why not just create a sun?).

So let’s recap what this scene really honors and encourages: looks over brains. Changing to be liked over being who you are. Lying if you hope the villain is lying. Being chosen (fate) over choosing your own fate. And let’s recap the qualities of our hero vs. demi-villain: fearless, liar, childish, unable to commit, and being “chosen” for better things (the foundation for Social Darwinism, by the way) vs. smart, responsible, ugly, also a liar (though without reason) and apparently pre-doomed.

They both had daddy issues, but while Hal’s dad died a hero and should’ve left him with great memories, Hal has awful flashbacks about him for the first 1/3 of the film then everybody just forgets about it (final Sidebar on the Sidebar: why doesn’t Sinestro or Hector, or Paralax for that matter, use this memory against him? The whole first third of the film is suggesting that that will be the big thing for him to have to overcome in the finale but they just drop it. Why!?). But poor Hector’s dad is the Senator who loves Hal and Carol, he seems to like everyone else as his kid except Hector- probably didn’t love him because he was a balding weirdo. Was anyone sad when Senator Dufrane died? Didn’t think so.

I guess this all makes sense though- they had to make Peter Parker look attractive before he could become a hero, take off his nerd glasses and puff out his chest real big. Yeah, that way no one will confuse him with a villain, all heroes are pretty people with great smiles.

Hector never did anything bad before he found out all the things people were saying behind his back. You know, Wolverine kills a ton of people just for breaking into a house but nobody gives him shit for it. His general description as a person sounds like a much more traditional protagonist for a movie than fly-boy GQ cover Hal, who probably had his socks dry cleaned afterwards to be sure none of Hector’s poor-man ashes got on them.

I know the whole theme was supposed to be about humans being courageous and standing up in the face of fear rather than pretending they are above it (which I like a lot), but Hal Jordan in this comparison to Hector, and especially in this scene, doesn’t sound like a hero. Bruce Wayne isn’t a hero because he’s rich or powerful but because he wants to inspire people, to do things for the greater good, to sacrifice himself. And he chooses to do these things. That’s the whole basis of the end of Batman Begins.

Hal is chosen and rejects the responsibility because that’s a long way to fly for union meetings. Then he accepts the power to save a few people, crashes a galactic conference to discuss a personal problem, then let’s poor Hector get murdered and finally punches the Paralax in space after overcoming his fear of dust. Great arc Hal, you’re a modern day hero. Then he flies back, kisses the girl and flies away, once again unable to commit and has better shit to do. It’s a good thing he looks that good so he can get some alien ass on the side.

The Green Lantern, an elitist asshole.

Bridesmaids (2011)

by Steve Kochems

In the last decade or so we’ve seen a plethora of films on male bonding, the best of which have come from the Judd Apatow camp. Groups of men going through the changes in life together has appealed to a wider demographic than ever before and created the sub-genre of the “Bromance.” Yet, the other side of that coin had seemed to be untapped.

That is what makes Bridesmaid’s such a refreshing film. It’s a great comedy with lots of laughs and lots of heart to go with it, a formula that made 40 Year Old Virgin and Knocked Up stand out in years crowded with comedies. Only this is done from the female perspective. This shouldn’t come as much of a surprise as it’s under the direction of Freaks and Geeks alum Paul Feig who’s also directed episodes of The Office, 30 Rock, and Arrested Development, and is produced by Apatow. But truly at its helm is star and co-screenwriter Kristen Wiig. She leads the relatively unknown, but well chosen, cast of women who will have even the manliest of men laughing.

We follow Annie (Wiig), a lovelorn baker drifting through life until her best friend Lillian (Maya Rudolph) gets engaged. As the maid of honor, she tries to hold her disheveled life together while planning the festivities with the other bridesmaids: the overcompensating rich wife Helen (Rose Byrne), the newly-wed Becca (Ellie Kemper) and her opposite, the begrudgingly old wife Rita (Wendi McLendon-Covey) and the brutish Megan (Melissa McCarthy).

Throughout this journey, she struggles on the side to go from tossed aside sex buddy to forming a legitimate relationship with a quirky police officer (Chris O'Dowd), who brings as many smiles as any of the bridesmaids in half as much time (also the only notable male in the film who isn’t a total dick).

Much of the struggle for Annie comes against Helen as she tries to shoehorn herself into Lillian’s life. The rich and elegant clashes with commonality, which results in some of the funnier scenes as well as more touching ones. Atop that Melissa McCarthy as Megan, who plays the Chris Farely role here, as one of the shining gems here. Her rugged personality keeps you laughing even past the credits.

It’s worth mentioning that Bridesmaids may be a classic in the making. At the very least, I believe it has a classic comedy scene in the making, one that could stand next to the Baby Ruth in the pool or rat poison on a burger. I won’t spoil the details for those of you who haven’t heard, but when you see it you’ll know it. Trust me.

But for all the good I can say about Bridesmaids, it doesn’t come without its problems. The third act happens to run particularly long. A driving montage gag feels out of place for its length and the emotional bookends it’s placed between. And while many of them are funny, some of the earlier gags could’ve used trimming as well, particularly a toasting duel and a party trashing scene. Also, Becca and Rita feel left behind at the midpoint of the movie, though this proves to be less noticeable as Wiig takes the comedy and emotion on her back and carries this film.

And ultimately that’s what defines Bridesmaids. It’s a movie about change and Annie certainly exemplifies that. Laughs and gags can come with any decent comedy but the ones that have heart to go along are the ones we remember and are the ones we care about.

So for what is shaping up as a summer full of blockbusters, Bridesmaids stands as a hidden gem, a low-budget, well-written comedy that may get lost in the mix this summer but certainly won’t be forgotten. It’s the kind of movie that will come to cult status, like Mean Girls or The Big Lebowski before it. A classic in the making.

Rating: 3.5 out of 5 stars