Outsourcing Reviews: Edition One - The Smurfs

As you all know, Mike and I have had a tough time getting our reviews up this summer. And in this tough economy, we've taken the necessary measures to ensure that current movies are still being covered on our beloved blog.

So here in our first edition is Bailey Fishman with a review on The Smurfs. Enjoy!

The Smurfs
by Bailey Fishman

If it were not for the fact that Steve had my car and I had nothing to do after cleaning the entire place, I would have never watched the Smurfs. I am now blaming Steve for the loss of 90 minutes of my life. For those who know me, they know that I am very easily entertained when it comes to movies (hence me liking Alvin and the Chipmunks. But honestly, who doesn’t want to have a talking chipmunk?), but I have never tried so hard to avoid actually watching this movie while it was playing.

These little blue men (and one woman) are preparing for the Blue Moon Festival. But, after a failed attempt by Papa Smurf (Jonathan Winters) to keep Clumsy (Anton Yelchin) from leaving their shroom village, only to be caught by Gargamel (Hank Azaria), a group of annoying, singing Smurfs get transported to none other than New York City through a portal. In this new “world”, they meet Patrick and Grace Winslow (Neil Patrick Harris and Jaymay Mays). Grace immediately takes to the Smurfs while Patrick finds them annoying (a perfect character to associate with).

During their time in New York, the Smurfs struggle to find a way to re-open the portal to get back home to the other jillion Smurfs that they so deeply miss. They venture through Time Square, convenient stores, and even the subway system (brave little Smurfs they are). Meanwhile, Gargamel is hot on their trail trying to catch them with his cat Azrael.

After a few failed attempts to reopen the blue moon portal, Papa has finally figured out the potion and is able to get it open only to be caught by Gargamel. Since the portal is open, Brainy (Fred Armisen) goes back and gets the other Smurfs because “no Smurf is left behind”—what good soldiers they would be. In an epic battle of good vs. evil, Gargamel is defeated and the little blue shits are able to time warp again back to home. Everyone was able to live Smurfily ever after.

There are a few things I am really happy about. The writers incorporated a reason why Smurfette is the only female Smurf in the village, which was always a question to me. I just always thought she was the town whore. The other choice I like is Hank Azaria as Gargamel. The second he did his evil laugh, I actually looked up from my phone (which I was using intently to distract myself as much as possible) and thought, WOW he nailed it. That evil laugh reminded me exactly of the laugh I remember from the show. Yes, I used to watch this show all the time when I was growing up. I loved the Smurfs, which is why I have so many problems with this movie.

First off, this movie does not represent the Smurfs in any sort of correct form. Yes they have them off on an adventure but this isn’t the adventures they are used to doing from the show and cartoon. I also hated that from the first second I saw the first little blue creature, it looked so computerized. I wish they would have made them look a little more like the originals but once again a disappointment.

Secondly, I feel like I could have written this movie, which is an awful thing to say. The whole time I kept saying to myself…been there, seen that. To me, it seems like the writers just took aspects from different movies, jumbled them up and created this movie. Like when they traveled through the portal to NYC, it reminded me exactly of Ella Enchanted. And the line Smurf-a-bonga… How insulting to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (some of the greatest movies EVER!). They could have at least made this movie true to the Smurf’s form instead of clearly ripping off other movies.

Thirdly, I feel so bad for Neil Patrick Harris. I love him on How I Met Your Mother. In that show he is always able to make me laugh, not the case in this movie. I know there has to have been at least one movie idea thrown in his direction that he could have taken that was better than this flick. Come on NPH, what were you thinking? Could this kill your career in the movie industry? Maybe, but good thing you have your charm and good looks.

Lastly, the climax between Gargamel vs. the Smurfs is far from breathtaking. During this match, Gargamel has become an all-mighty wizard and the battle has turned Harry Potter-esque. The scene looks like it is taken out of Deathly Hollows II and just has little blue things lying around the scene. This probably was one of the most entertaining parts of the movie and that solely on the fact that I love Harry Potter.

With all this said, this movie was not made for 26 year old people (insert old lady jokes here), but for the youngsters. Because of the ripping-off-age, this movie would probably hold the attention span of those children long enough for parents to not want to rip their hair out for a whole 90 minutes, which is probably why it grossed a little over $35.5 million the first weekend it was out. Parents needed a break from their little brats, and this movie gave them the opportunity. But for me, it was an embarrassment.

Rating: 1.5 out of 5 stars

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2

by Steve Kochems

I'm just going to get right into it. After 7 previous films, one whose sole purpose is to lead into this film, it would be quite asinine of me to nitpick and criticize Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2. This isn't Jaws 8 or Friday the 13th VIII, this is a legitimate series that has maintained a standard of quality in each film of the series, something that's fairly unheard of in cinema and only rivaled by the James Bond series. That isn't to say HPDH2 is for everyone. God help you if this is the first Potter film you try to watch.

But in that minute weakness lays its strength. This is a movie for the millions who've followed the books and the millions more who were forced to watch the first six films in a three day period and then rushed to see Deathly Hallows: Part 1, only to be left horribly blue-balled by what turned out to be only half a movie (side note: the forced part turned into a blessing in disguise and the second isn't a harsh criticism as my Potter liaison team informed me that was the logical point to break the movies, which I found true after watching this film).

The action packed opening to Deathly Hallows Part 1 was only a taste of what you'll get in Part 2. For a series that was slow and tense pacing of mystery story after mystery story, Mr. Potter gets supercharged as Hogwarts and the Dark Lord go to an all out war that involves many favorites from the past films. And most importantly, it ends with class and dignity.

I could argue that Hermoine and Ron seem less important here while Neville soaks up many of the larger moments (side note 2: Potter liaison explained the reasoning from the novel so I've been corrected already). But beyond that I've little bad or good to say about this movie. Not because there aren't good things in this movie (there are many), but let's be honest with each other here. You've seen seven movies in a series, even if you're pissed off at it for some reason you are not giving up on watching the finale. And if you haven't seen any of them you won't know what I'm talking about anyhow.

Still, I felt obligated to put my thoughts up on here about the final Harry Potter. Partially because it's what we have this site for and partly because Mike and I have been a little lagging on the review this summer, which sucks because it's actually shaped up to be a very nice summer of movies. We're sorry, I moved, he's got no internet, the debt issue hasn't been resolved- we're all suffering, guys.

Anyway, I don't know what else to say about HPDH2. I did have a moment of high emotion two days after seeing the final Potter; I came home and saw the Sorcerer's Stone was on cable. I could only handle a few minutes of it because Daniel Radcliffe looked so young, but it showed the process of the Potter movies. It's a ten year journey that we've gone on and now it's over. And I'm not sad because of nostalgia, but because that was ten years ago it started (feeling old). If you take nothing else away from this movie, commend it for leaving with class and pride, something it upheld through all eight films and a decade of love.

Rating: 4 out of 5 stars

Kung Fu Panda 2

By Steve Kochems

Whether you’re dealing with horror or animation, sequels are inevitably tough to do. For as much as I love the Toy Story franchise, it’s fairly obvious that the second film is the weakest of the three, which is partially because the original was so refreshing and genuine that it was a tough act to follow. I can say the same to some extent for The Two Towers (though my love for Lord of the Rings does not wain).

However, I can say that any doubts or worries I might’ve had for a solid animated film’s spawned sequel were drenched in laughter and kind-heartedness. Kung Fu Panda 2 is really a good sequel period, let alone in the animation genre. Its solid cast amplifies another story that is very simple and never gets too lost or misguided. It’s the same thing that made the first film good in the first place.

We pick up with Po (Jack Black), now the full-fledged Dragon Warrior and the Furious Five (Angelina Jolie, Seth Rogen, Jackie Chan, Lucy Liu, and David Cross) using kung-fu to keep China at peace. At the same time, Master Shifu (Dustin Hoffman) presses Po’s next level of training, a pursuit of inner peace. However, a shadow of Po’s past (Gary Oldman) has vowed to conquer China and destroy kung-fu forever, with a weapon that cannot be reckoned with.

Po grows in this film like the last and his forming arc resembles Luke Skywalker’s. I know, stay with me though.

At first we meet an average Joe (or Panda), who’s name or fate precede them. They learn and train and achieve a goal where all others failed because of their belief in their inner strength (the Force, being the Dragon Warrior). And just like in The Empire Strikes Back, our hero here must learn control and self-discipline to save those he loves.

That comparison isn’t as far off as you might think. A lot of people won’t give either Panda movies a chance because they seem childish and juvenile, a stigma that animation has always had but Pixar has worked to change in the last decade. But if you can drop your adult face for two hours, you might find yourself seriously enjoying Kung Fu Panda 2, and the same can be said for its predecessor.

It’s funny, it’s well paced, and it has heart. I can’t ask for much more in any movie than that.

Rating: 4.5 out of 5

Bridesmaids (2011)

by Steve Kochems

In the last decade or so we’ve seen a plethora of films on male bonding, the best of which have come from the Judd Apatow camp. Groups of men going through the changes in life together has appealed to a wider demographic than ever before and created the sub-genre of the “Bromance.” Yet, the other side of that coin had seemed to be untapped.

That is what makes Bridesmaid’s such a refreshing film. It’s a great comedy with lots of laughs and lots of heart to go with it, a formula that made 40 Year Old Virgin and Knocked Up stand out in years crowded with comedies. Only this is done from the female perspective. This shouldn’t come as much of a surprise as it’s under the direction of Freaks and Geeks alum Paul Feig who’s also directed episodes of The Office, 30 Rock, and Arrested Development, and is produced by Apatow. But truly at its helm is star and co-screenwriter Kristen Wiig. She leads the relatively unknown, but well chosen, cast of women who will have even the manliest of men laughing.

We follow Annie (Wiig), a lovelorn baker drifting through life until her best friend Lillian (Maya Rudolph) gets engaged. As the maid of honor, she tries to hold her disheveled life together while planning the festivities with the other bridesmaids: the overcompensating rich wife Helen (Rose Byrne), the newly-wed Becca (Ellie Kemper) and her opposite, the begrudgingly old wife Rita (Wendi McLendon-Covey) and the brutish Megan (Melissa McCarthy).

Throughout this journey, she struggles on the side to go from tossed aside sex buddy to forming a legitimate relationship with a quirky police officer (Chris O'Dowd), who brings as many smiles as any of the bridesmaids in half as much time (also the only notable male in the film who isn’t a total dick).

Much of the struggle for Annie comes against Helen as she tries to shoehorn herself into Lillian’s life. The rich and elegant clashes with commonality, which results in some of the funnier scenes as well as more touching ones. Atop that Melissa McCarthy as Megan, who plays the Chris Farely role here, as one of the shining gems here. Her rugged personality keeps you laughing even past the credits.

It’s worth mentioning that Bridesmaids may be a classic in the making. At the very least, I believe it has a classic comedy scene in the making, one that could stand next to the Baby Ruth in the pool or rat poison on a burger. I won’t spoil the details for those of you who haven’t heard, but when you see it you’ll know it. Trust me.

But for all the good I can say about Bridesmaids, it doesn’t come without its problems. The third act happens to run particularly long. A driving montage gag feels out of place for its length and the emotional bookends it’s placed between. And while many of them are funny, some of the earlier gags could’ve used trimming as well, particularly a toasting duel and a party trashing scene. Also, Becca and Rita feel left behind at the midpoint of the movie, though this proves to be less noticeable as Wiig takes the comedy and emotion on her back and carries this film.

And ultimately that’s what defines Bridesmaids. It’s a movie about change and Annie certainly exemplifies that. Laughs and gags can come with any decent comedy but the ones that have heart to go along are the ones we remember and are the ones we care about.

So for what is shaping up as a summer full of blockbusters, Bridesmaids stands as a hidden gem, a low-budget, well-written comedy that may get lost in the mix this summer but certainly won’t be forgotten. It’s the kind of movie that will come to cult status, like Mean Girls or The Big Lebowski before it. A classic in the making.

Rating: 3.5 out of 5 stars

X-Men: First Class

by Steve Kochems

Since the post-credits surprise of Iron Man, Marvel Entertainment has pushed their focus toward the upcoming Avengers film in every other stand-alone superhero movie within their universe. With the lone exception being the blue-balling Wolverine, all things Marvel seemed ready to live and die on the success of the Avengers… until now.

X-Men: First Class is proof that Marvel Entertainment always has and will probably always have the most depth and universal success in mainstream cinema. Christopher Nolan’s Batman film’s aside, Marvel has been a slam-dunk over DC. Even if he (Nolan) were to spearhead a Justice League film, First Class does such a great job of setting the stage for more early X-Men films to come that they could strike back, should the Avenger happen to fail. The two most important characters to that universe are so fresh and well-cast; I expect a sequel to be green-lit almost immediately.

With that being said, I come to one of the few problems I have with First Class. Fox didn’t seem sure about this film, or at least they wanted a bonafied winner before they put any more money in the franchise that had clearly worn down. After the credits rolled I could only wonder how much better the movie could’ve been if it had been given the go ahead for three films rather than one. It forced director Matthew Vaughn (Kick-Ass) to skim over a few characters that desperately needed more screen time than what they were given here.

However, I can say for sure that Vaughn was smart enough to keep a film so rich with Marvel characters grounded on the two essential ones here. James McAvoy as Charles Xavier and Michael Fassenbender as Erik Lensher are outstanding choices and are the reason First Class soars above all three other X-Men films. Fassenbender’s vengeance is perfectly counterbalanced by McAvoy’s blind optimism, and all the while we get to sit watching the friendship form and eventually fall apart.

This isn’t to say that the film leaves it’s predecessors behind. The opening scene is so close to how Bryan Singer’s X-Men opens, I thought it may have been lifted straight from that film (which wouldn’t be such a surprise as Singer was a producer on First Class). There are also a few nuggets toward the possible future for die-hard fans, such as mention of William Stryker and a few nice cameos that try to keep the original X-Men films tied in (like a mutant you may see again in the very near future).

All in all, I think First Class may yet be the best film I’ve seen this year. Granted, I’m a big fan of the comic book genre and how it has evolved since the first X-Men, but any lover of good stories and character can enjoy what this film brings to the screen. I can’t help but compare it to J.J. Abrams' recent Star Trek reboot, as both franchises were in a decaying state and fresh young directors took the iconic characters, recast them into their younger forms, and brought new excitement to them that reaches beyond die-hard fans of the comics or series. It’s simply good story-telling and crisp pacing that does this and helps it appeal to the masses.

As a fan of the superhero genre and good narratives in general, my only complaint still remains that Marvel (and Fox) didn’t believe enough in the film to let it expand as they did for the eventual Avengers. Hollywood seems starved right now for a classic trilogy that doesn’t flame out in it's finale. And while The Dark Knight Rises is likely to do this, it surprises me that Marvel chose not to try and rival it right away after its two previous disappointing attempts at it (especially now that Jon Favreau will not be directing Iron Man 3).

I’m straying a bit from the film itself on this review, I know, but I just have had trouble getting over the missed opportunity here. As a kid, I truly loved spending a rainy Saturday watching all three Back to the Futures, or Indiana Jones', or Star Wars films… Hell, this past weekend I even endured all three Lord of the Rings (extended editions!). Maybe it’s just me that’s starving here, but I hope not. I hope that the next film (assuming there is one) can be as fresh and exciting as this. Then I’ll have nothing to complain about.

Rating: 4.5 out of 5 stars

Pirates of the Caribbean 4: On Stranger Tides

by Steve Kochems

Pirates of the Caribbean 4: On Stranger Tides embodies so much of what is wrong with Hollywood in the last 15 years. I know, bold statement for a movie I can’t entirely trash because it’s ending begs for the audience to just accept this as a rough transition into a new set of films- but seriously, mermaids that look like vampires? C’mon Bruckheimer, you're killing me!

See, once upon a time Disney released a film about a young blacksmith who set off on a magical journey with a swarthy pirate in hopes of winning the hand of a governor’s daughter (i.e. a princess) by defeating a band of invincible and menacing pirates. It was a classic tale, not unlike The Princess Bride or the Star Wars saga before it.

However, like so many iconic characters to emerge from simplistic stories like those just mentioned, people aren’t satisfied with the taste they have been given, even if the story completes the character to a degree. I’m not judging anyone because I often feel the same way, however it can often completely ruin a character with a poorly written story or completely erode what lasting effect they previously had by over exposing us to them. The shark in Jaws is more terrifying before you see the shark- mysterious and the unknown are things we naturally fear.

With this, I get to Pirates 4, a new beginning to the series that is falling faster than Jon Edwards political career. Okay, maybe that’s a bit of an exaggeration, but the series continues its steady slide here. Johnny Depp returns as Captain Jack Sparrow, a character he seems to have brought to every role he’s played in the last decade, and his search for the Fountain of Youth. However, Jack seems less concerned with this quest and more with who seems to be impersonating him in London for a third of the film.

Also returning to the film is Captain Barbossa (Geoffrey Rush), who is now employed by his majesty’s royal navy to seek out the Fountain before the Spanish, and Jack’s right-hand man Mr. Gibbs, who seems dragged along more so this time than in previous adventures. Two new additions are Penelope Cruz’s Angelica, the female version of Jack, and Ian MacShane’s Black Beard, a malicious pirate who’s reputation precedes him.

Unfortunately, that reputation is supposed to carry our fear of Black Beard throughout the film. Granted, his daughter often intervenes in her pursuit to save his soul and we do see the extent of his power when he is first revealed, but he never is as cunning as Barbossa was in Curse of the Black Pearl, nor as ruthless as Davey Jones in the second or third film. Bad guys don’t back down because their daughter says so, not the ones we fear at least (Note by Mike: Steve has obviously never heard of Willow Smith...).

As for Angelica, the tone seems to want to live and die with her. When she’s happy, we should be happy. When she’s angry, we should be angry, or sad, etc. But we never get there fully because her character is so similar to Jack. When Jack is marooned in the first film, we feel his sorrow and abandonment because until that point he had been always two steps ahead of everyone. It’s also in that moment we find out his miracle escape was a fraud. He begins to question himself and we, in turn, feel that with him. Angelica is never as likable because her true intentions are kept secret and the audience is already accustom to following one character who walks the moral line. Trying to add a second doesn’t always work.

But for all my complaints, I will say that the film does try to plead itself to the viewer at the end. After the credits rolled, my first thought was that Disney shoehorned in another arc in for Jack just to move on with the series. And while it had initially angered me, I considered that maybe they knew On Stranger Tides was going to have a rough transition regardless. Dead Man’s Chest and At World’s End seemed to tire the audience out and any fresh start was still going to have to escape that shadow first.

So with that, I believe the already green-lit Pirates 5 has a lot to be optimistic about, even though On Stranger Tides is a much less than solid film.

Rating: 2.5 out of 5

Preview: Superhero Summer of 2011

by Steve Kochems

A few weeks ago I posted about the lack of upcoming films this spring with any intrigue, at least in my eyes. Aside from Battle: Los Angeles, I’ve stuck to my hibernating plan, and boy is it good.

But as May looms, I can’t help but think about the major superhero movies that are on the horizon. Captain America, Thor, X-Men: First Class, and Transformers 3 are the four films I’m primarily going to look at today and I will measure them up against my patent pending Superhero Movie Spectrum, posted below.

1	1.5
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen	Elektra
2	2.5
Daredevil	Watchmen
3	3.5
X-Men: Last Stand	Spider-Man 3
4	4.5
Transformers	Hulk
5	5.5
The Punisher	X-Men
6	6.5
X-Men Origins: Wolverine	The Incredible Hulk
7	7.5
Iron Man	300
8	8.5
Spider-Man 2	Batman Begins
9	9.5
X2	The Dark Knight
10
Sin City

So, without further adieu, here’s a quick look at what I like and what I dislike about four summer blockbusters that are just a few weeks away.

Thor – May 6, 2011

What I like about it:

Thor has probably the most well-known cast of all these films and that should help carry the epic nature it’s hoping to get across. I’ve also thought that Chris Hemsworth was a genuinely good choice as the God of Thunder, a choice as good as Robert Downey Jr. as Iron Man. Here’s to hoping he can meet those expectations.

What I don’t like about it:

Thor’s setting is going to be the toughest to keep grounded in reality. Ever since Batman Begins, superhero movies (at least the good ones) have had the difficult task of bringing real science into a surreal world. Christopher Nolan and Jon Favreau have each done an excellent job of this, but director Kenneth Branagh has his work cut out for him. The trailers also worry me, while Asgard looks every bit as awesome as it should, I worry that it’s too quirky and dare I say campy for its own good.

Expectations:

I expect Thor to be a good movie but not a great one. It’ll certainly be watchable but more than likely will never be in the conversation with something like Sin City, probably right in line with Ed Norton’s The Incredible Hulk.

X-Men: First Class – June 3, 2011

What I like about it:

Again, the trailers have been outstanding. I was far less skeptical of the cast and crew for this film though, since Matthew Vaughn is one of the better young directors in Hollywood (see: Layer Cake, Kick-Ass… also produced Snatch and Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels). I also think that this film has an additional layer to it that most comic book movies overlook, save Nolan’s Batman movies. This film has the possibility of horror overshadowing it, the power struggle between Charles Xavier and Magneto and how their friendship ruptures is almost certainly going to have lives at stake.

What I don’t like about it:

The content. I love comic book movies quite a bit, but after Brett Ratner’s bowel movement titled Last Stand, I was really turned off to the X-Men stories. I thought Wolverine was a fresh and fun take on his character and I was excited to see more of those (primarily a Magneto Origins film). But another ensemble film was decided upon again. Here’s hoping the Last Stand was just that and we get something fresh this time.

Expectations:

I actually expect the most out of this film, something I never would’ve believed had you told me this a year ago. James McAvoy and Michael Fassbender both are looking like outstanding casting decisions and having X-Men and X2 helmer Brian Singer on as a producer gives it major credit to draw it in line with the original films. Dare I say, it could be as good as X2? Or even the Dark Knight?

Transformers: Dark Side of the Moon – July 1, 2011

What I like about it:

Director Michael Bay responded to the massive outcry against the previous film, blaming the writer's strike as part of why the script suffered. An apology is better late than never I guess. He’s also claimed that this film will be the best of the three and many are inclined to believe him. Am I? Doubtful.

What I don’t like about it:

Yeah I don’t really believe Bay’s comment above but at least he’s trying something. Since it’s widely considered that Revenge of the Fallen was the worst thing since the Gigli, he might be doing this as a marketing ploy, pretend to apologize to get those suckers back in the seats! However I will admit the first film wasn’t entirely terrible. Yeah, the content isn’t my cup of tea but I’m willing to admit it’s a decent enough story and film that this one could in fact be just as good as that. But how good is that?

Expectations:

Very little. Bay’s films have continued to sacrifice story for the sake of just being louder. I’d be more optimistic if I actually thought the original content wasn’t somewhat laughable to begin with (then again, we have a Battleship movie on the horizon). So where on the scale does it rank? Elektra status, couldn’t care less.

Captain America – July 22, 2011

What I like about it:

The trailers. Everything from the set design, costumes, hell the overall environmental feel is really well conveyed (thus far), which surprised me. I worried a great deal about this movie with Joe Johnston (Jurassic Park 3, The Wolfman) at the helm and Chris Evans as the lead, but so far it’s really impressed me and may turn out to be the best film this summer.

What I don’t like about it:

Joe Johnston. He’s never really blown me away as a director and cutting a good trailer doesn’t always translate to a good film. Chris Evans would’ve also been listed here, but the way he’s handled interviews and how he’s looked in and out of the costume on screen has sold me. Joey boy has not, yet.

Expectations:

When the film was first green lit, they were huge. Then they filled the cast and crew and I worried. Then I saw the trailer and said "wow", this might actually work. So I don’t know what to expect. When in doubt, base it on the footage you’ve been able to see, and if I go that route, I think it’s going to be a pretty darn good film. Probably somewhere in line with the 300, so far as quality.

So that’s about it, we’ll see how accurate my predictions are and I’m excited to see (almost) all of these movies. Are you? Let us know what you think!

I Spit On Your Grave

"What the fuck?" There's a lot to say about this movie, but I... I just don't know what the hell... wow.

I've seen a lot of movies. I've seen a lot of horror, a lot of action, and a lot of comedy, but nothing I've ever watched previously really compares to this movie and how I reacted to it after the credits rolled.

I had never heard of I Spit On Your Grave, a remake of a 1978 thriller/gore-fest of the same title (although it was also released under another title, Day of the Women). My roommate put it on one night and, honestly, I had no interest in watching it at all... I just wanted to go to the bar. In the end, I'm glad I did because this was a film that everyone should see- it's that insane.

Before I get into the film itself, let me point something out: I watched this movie in the company of three girls. Probably not the best choice, as the entire film is about the brutal gang rape of a female and her ensuing revenge on her attackers. Also, I enjoy yelling at the television while movies play and I usually root for the bad guys- maybe this wasn't the best movie to cheer on the baddies...

Officially put in the rape/revenge genre, Grave follows the story of Jennifer Hills (Sarah Butler), a writer who sets out to a secluded cabin for the summer to write her next great novel. The beginning of the film follows her around as she: writes, sun-bathes, drinks, walks around half naked, runs around half naked without a sports bra on, smokes weed... that's pretty much all. Oh! Her sink is broke or some shit, so she calls a plumber.

This is where the movie takes a crazy turn. Note to the female readership: never call a plumber when you're an attractive 20-something hottie alone in the woods.

So the plumber, Matthew (who's a little... slow) goes to Jennifer's cabin to fix her plumbing. She rewards him with a kiss, and he absolutely freaks the hell out. He runs out and Jennifer is left totally confused as to what exactly just happened. We next see Matthew meeting up with his friends (who treat him like shit) and he tells the story of the girl giving him a kiss- one of his friends, Stanley (Daniel Franzese, the gay friend from Mean Girls), reveals to the group that he has a video of Jennifer changing and proceeds to show the crew a nighttime shot of her in her underwear.

Hearing Matthew's tale and seeing the video, the gang decides to head over to Jennifer's cabin that night to have some fun with her. The leader, Johnny (soap star Jeff Branson) is mad because the rest of his crew made fun of him, claiming that a girl as good looking as Jennifer could never get with a guy like him.

To make a long, uneasy and a bit horrible story short, the crew breaks into Jennifer's cabin and begin to torment her. Just as they are about to rape her, she escapes and runs through the woods. There, she stumbles across a police office by the name of Storch (Andrew Howard). Storch leads Jennifer back to the cabin to investigate her claims that guys attacked her. Once they get back, however, we see that Storch is in cahoots with the bad guys and shit gets REALLY crazy.

A long and drawn out rape scene ensues in the cabin and then continues on into the woods. The scene ends with Storch about to shoot Jennifer, but at the last second she jumps off a bridge and into a river. The gang never had a chance to kill her, but they all think she would have drowned in the water because she was savagely beaten and raped.

Turns out, that's not the case and shit's about to get REAL.

Jennifer is gone for a month and then stuff starts to happen that make the guys think she's still alive. The first to confirm this theory is Matthew, who... wait. I can't let you know what she does!

The revenge Jennifer gets, which is the best part of the entire movie and what everything leads up to, is God damn EPIC. I won't get into the details here because it's one of those things you really need to see for yourself (words just don't do it justice), but some of the shit she planned for these assholes was jaw-dropping and extremely fitting. Here's a short list of some of the stuff she unleashed on the redneck rapist pricks:

A noose
Fish-hooks through eyelids
A shotgun and a mans rectum
A more than graphic combination of teeth and pliers
A BEAR TRAP
A bathtub full of water and lye
A horse bit, some rope, some hedge clippers and a man's ding-dong

By this point in the movie, everyone is waiting to see how crazy her revenge is going to get. It was all fitting to each character, who all wronged her in their own way.

One of the more interesting parts of this film was watching it with girls. I never realized how different movies can be from a male and female perspective, and this was definitely what I considered a learning experience. I'm sitting there laughing while the rednecks are terrorizing the girl (it's a movie and the parts before the rape scenes were pretty funny), the girls were genuinely freaking out and covering their eyes. Claims of never being able to sleep ever again where uttered. But as the movie went on, we all felt bad for Jennifer despite the fact that the character wasn't really developed that well- she was just this poor victim that we all wanted to see be redeemed. When the main character started to get her revenge, everyone, especially the girls, were really into the movie.

There's a scene at the end where Jennifer has Storch tied up with a shotgun halfway up his ass. He thinks Jennifer has his daughter and begins to plead with her, saying "Please [let her go?]... she's just an innocent girl." In complete unison, all the girls watching the movie with me and Jennifer on the screen say "So was I".

That right there should say just about everything there is to say about this movie.

Battle: Los Angeles

by Steve Kochems

For all they cynics out there who thought I'd just come out here and blast this movie for being superfluous action schlock, well, I think you underestimated the popcorner in me here. With a cast of no-names and Aaron Eckhart (The Dark Knight, Thank You for Smoking) driving off aliens invading Los Angeles as a plot and Jonathan Liebesman (Darkness Falls, Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning) at the helm, I was as surprised as you.

The film begins with Staff Sergeant Nantz getting ready to turn in his papers and retire from the Marines. The obvious action move here would be to open up with Nantz on his final mission (which proves to be critical to those under his command later) and how it goes wrong, but Liebesman takes his first big chance here and uses this time to introduce over a dozen Marines living their lives on the home front, some returning and some preparing for an upcoming deployment. No explosions or bullets (yet), which might bore many average movie goers but it's those first ten minutes that give this film what many action films (see; GI Joe) lack: heart.

Life goes on as usual while almost nobody except NASA seems to care that meteor's are heading for Earth. Before I get too far into that, I should mention what I thought to be the strongest quality in the movie. Because of the shaky camera work and drowned out dialogue from explosions and gunfire, this movie really came off as pretty realistic. It felt like a cross between Independence Day and Saving Private Ryan, two films that are about as high as one could be compared to when it comes to an action movie.

Now, some reviews I've read have complained about these aspects, the drown out, incoherent dialogue within war zones. I've also seen a few people complaining that for the most part, the alien's intent is barely explained. I can't deny these facts, but ultimately I think it just plays into the realism of the film. Aliens invade and start blowing us up, I don't think they're going to send us a letter of intent. The film does a good job of inter-cutting a few news clips where analysts and scientists speculate as to why this is happening. It also helps that each battle scene is shown as a tactical one, a battle of positioning and wits, not just firepower. Real wars are not always about who has the bigger gun but who can out think their enemy.

Another plus to this film is that the aliens are never really portrayed as indestructible or untouchable. Their ships explode when flying to close to a gas station or hit with a grenade launcher, and their foot soldiers are just as armored and formidable as a Kevlar coated Marine. This really makes the losses of battles, positions, and more importantly soldiers and civilians much more difficult to bare. Even the ones only mentioned in passing, whole squadrons being obliterated in the crossfire, really makes this difficult to watch (in a good way).

This brings me back to my original point, heart. Because the film emphasizes such realism, it hits so much closer to home when characters die. To me, that scores big points. To others, it might just make it boring until more things go boom.

I won't say this film isn't without its flaws though, the biggest being a technical choice. While the gritty camera work and lighting adds to the film, it's score takes away. Some music simply seems out of place or too quiet, like Liebesman wasn't sure if he should leave it in or not so he just turned it down. I would've much preferred no score at all, make it a straight war-picture and fill it with ambient sounds, people screaming, dying, explosions, the whole lot, but this would've probably upped the MPA Rating to R and possibly drove away casual fans.

All in all, I was quite surprised with how good this film was and would recommend anyone that likes action movies to give this a chance. Forget the absurd premise for a second and treat it like you treated Cloverfield. You might find it to be better than you'd think.

Rating: 3.5 out of 5

Cyrus

by Steve Kochems

Hey Folks! I know, it's the slow season for movies and, as you can tell, Mike and I have been a little tied up. But I was able to head out the other night and redbox a flick I heard a lot about this past year, Cyrus. For $1, why not try it out?

The film follows John (John C. Reilly), a bum who's circling the drain years after his divorce, with his only real friend being his ex-wife Jamie (Catherine Keener) who's planning to get married (to a well-played asshole, Matt Walsh). After some nagging by his ex and her fiance, John agrees to go out to a party with them.

After many drinks and many failed attempts to talk to any woman, he has one of the most awkward and funny meetings with Molly (Marisa Tomei). After a few dates, John thinks this relationship could be the one, but little does he know, at home Molly has an overly (and somewhat Oedipal) son who isn't quite yet ready to yield his mother away, Cyrus (Jonah Hill).

Honestly, I would've paid more than a dollar for this flick. While advertised as this quirky, Step Brothers-esk comedy, Cyrus is certainly not that. The humor isn't dependent on two actors and a sloppy script. Instead, we have a sleek and crisp story that, while lacking in laughs, actually has a surprising amount of heart to it.

I knew Reilly could act, and even lead (see: Chicago, Walk Hard), but the biggest surprises were Hill and Tomei. Their chemistry onscreen is really a sight and refreshing when it comes to a movie like this. That being said, Hill and Reilly still bring a lot of comedy and awkwardness to their scenes and are a tandem worth watching again (though, their few scenes together in Walk Hard are just as good).

I think this is a film I've gotta take a second look at though, since I went in under the impression it was less on heart and more on comedy. That's the best thing I can say to anyone who watches this movie- go in with an open mind and don't expect anything, good or bad. I bet you'll be presently surprised.

Rating: 4 out of 5

Exit Through the Gift Shop

by Mike Kamrowski 

"I don't think Terry played by the rules, in some ways. But then, there aren't supposed to be any rules..." -Banksy

As the 83rd Annual Academy Awards closes in on the world of cinema, there has been a lot of talk about a select few films. Black Swan, 127 Hours and True Grit are just some of the big names around the water cooler, but a film that most movie-goers probably missed, a documentary directed by a certain secretive street-artist, is gaining a lot of buzz... and that's not a bad thing. Hell, it's not even surprising.

I'll admit, the only reason I watched this movie was because I happened upon it one drunken evening of Netflix browsing and the title caught my attention. When I read the description, I couldn't have been more excited.

The flick I'm talking about is Exit Through the Gift Shop, a strange documentary/almost bio-pic about the even stranger world of street-art. Directed by renowned British street-artist/graffiti artist/political activist Banksy, this documentary focuses on the world of street-art and the individuals that helped bring it to the world's attention (as if it wasn't noticable enough already) by way of their amazing work. The man in question is a major focus in the film, with other famous artists (Shepard Fairey and Space Invader, among countless others) supplying the supporting cast.

Banksy and Gift Shop have been getting a lot of media attention in the past few weeks, primarily from his recent string of work in the LA area leading up to the Academy Awards and the "controversial" decision by the Awards show heads to ban Banksy from accepting the Best Documentary Award (should he win) in any from of disguise. For a guy who has lived in the spotlight but never revealed his true identity, this could cause a problem. *Academy president Tom Shreak has since changed his mind on the Banksy ban, but still... *

It's tough to not be a fan of Banksy's artwork. From his sculptures to his prints and everything in between (and there's a lot in that "in between" void), each is interesting in its own right. Everyone can take away a different interpertation from looking at his work (although most have a pretty straight forward message), even if it's just "Wow... that's pretty fucking cool."

The documentary, while about Banksy and his counterparts, is mainly the story of a man named Thierry Guetta. Thierry, a one time clothing dealer turned amateur videographer, comes off as a strange French hanger-on (we'll get to this in a bit)... or maybe he's just overly curious?

Thierry is introduced to the invention of the video camera and becomes completely obsessive with it (like a celebrity stalker), recording every instance in his life. Literally. We see later in the film just how much he filmed when he reveals his countless boxes filled with old tapes of random (and sometimes not so random and actually useful) shit.

Thierry and his lens became involved in the world of street-art after a chance encounter with his cousin (?), an infamous street-artist known as Space Invader. Through Invader, Thierry was introduced to the rising graffiti/street-art scene and never looked back- filming these individuals and their work became his life.

While many of the artists were skeptical of Thierry at first (what these guys were doing wasn't exactly legal), they grew to accept him in their elite circle; his claims of wanting to make a documentary about street-art helped seal this acceptance. Kind of...

If this was a Hollywood movie, Thierry would playing the role of the bumbling sidekick who can never seem to do anything right. He doesn't really understand the idea of being incognito (example: he turns his camera light on at night... while he's with the graffiti artists... who are defacing public property...), he's out of shape and can't really keep up with his younger counterparts, he ALWAYS HAS HIS CAMERA ON. A good one-word definition of this early Thierry character would be "relentless".

All that aside, he seems like a genuinely good guy who would do anything to help a street-artist out, especially if it meant he might get the chance to meet and film the elusive Banksy, which he eventually does thanks to Fairey.

Banksy and Thierry hook up and start a strange friendship, almost too weird to be fake (I only say this because there has been a lot of talk that the documentary is fake/the documentary is a prank by Banksy to move into the realm of cinema/Thierry is actually Banksy/the documentary is a big "fuck you" to up-tight art critics and dealers, the list goes on- if you want more theories, hit up Googs).

I don't want to get into too much more about the plot, but I will say this: the film does a complete 180 about three-fourths of the way through. The end of the film focuses mostly on Thierry and how he wants his own fame in the community he loves so dear. The beginning of the movie is innocent enough, but the last thirty or so minutes shows different intentions by the maker. After Banksy's wildly popular Barely Legal LA show and Thierry shows him the first disastrous cut of his "street-art documentary" that everyone had been hassling him about (were talking over a decade of this guy filming street-art with nothing to show for it), Banksy tells Thierry to take a break from filming and go and make his own art.

Banksy, who says he used to encourage everyone he met to make art, sings a different tune at the end of the film. "I don't really do that so much anymore," the elusive artist explains.

Thierry basically goes ape-shit, decides to run with Banksy's suggestion and make art, take it one step further and host his own art show (a la Barely Legal) and ceaselessly promote himself at all costs. He ends up making a fortune and his alter-ego, Mr. Brainwash, becomes a dominant name in the world of street-art (despite the fact that I've never even heard of it until I watched this movie two weeks ago).

The flicks tag-line The incredible true story of how the world's greatest Street Art movie was never made... is pretty spot on once you watch the entire film.

I think this film tried to say that street-art has garnered a mainstream label, so some think that this film, while showing how incredible and thought provoking street-art can be, is a satire on the entire "street-art in pop culture" movement. Thierry shows how processed and meaningless street-art can be with his "assembly-line" studio and horde of minions pumping out his insane ideas in the form of screen prints and sculptures. Interesting enough, we never actually see Thierry create any art- he spray paints "Life is Beautiful" on a brick wall to end the film, but that's it. I guess it can be argued that his years of intensely filming everything was art, and he did paste some giant stencils of himself around LA, but let's be honest here- he didn't fucking do anything.

Thierry literally learned from the best and when he decided to take off and make his own "street-art", as "commercial" as it is, he didn't have to do much except copy and paste. His years of following famous street-artists around made him yearn for the lime-light, and his desire for fame really showed when he put on his first show. I can see why some of his former friends "have beef" with him.

I think this film was so captivating and entertaining for a few reasons. 1.) Fuckin Banksy made it. It's going to be awesome if it has the B-mans stamp of approval. 2.) It showed how, I don't know, corrupted Thierry became by his venture? He started off curious and naive and ended a money hungry attention whore. Definitely a nice rise and fall story. 3.) The film showed the "behind the scenes" world of graffiti and street-art, something most people have no idea about. Banksy or not, this would have been a pretty cool flick.

My suggestion is, if you haven't had the chance to watch this thing yet, get it on that as soon as possible- you won't be disappointed. If you don't plan on seeing it, don't worry. Banksy will make sure you do.