Outsourcing Reviews: Edition One - The Smurfs

As you all know, Mike and I have had a tough time getting our reviews up this summer. And in this tough economy, we've taken the necessary measures to ensure that current movies are still being covered on our beloved blog.

So here in our first edition is Bailey Fishman with a review on The Smurfs. Enjoy!

The Smurfs
by Bailey Fishman

If it were not for the fact that Steve had my car and I had nothing to do after cleaning the entire place, I would have never watched the Smurfs. I am now blaming Steve for the loss of 90 minutes of my life. For those who know me, they know that I am very easily entertained when it comes to movies (hence me liking Alvin and the Chipmunks. But honestly, who doesn’t want to have a talking chipmunk?), but I have never tried so hard to avoid actually watching this movie while it was playing.

These little blue men (and one woman) are preparing for the Blue Moon Festival. But, after a failed attempt by Papa Smurf (Jonathan Winters) to keep Clumsy (Anton Yelchin) from leaving their shroom village, only to be caught by Gargamel (Hank Azaria), a group of annoying, singing Smurfs get transported to none other than New York City through a portal. In this new “world”, they meet Patrick and Grace Winslow (Neil Patrick Harris and Jaymay Mays). Grace immediately takes to the Smurfs while Patrick finds them annoying (a perfect character to associate with).

During their time in New York, the Smurfs struggle to find a way to re-open the portal to get back home to the other jillion Smurfs that they so deeply miss. They venture through Time Square, convenient stores, and even the subway system (brave little Smurfs they are). Meanwhile, Gargamel is hot on their trail trying to catch them with his cat Azrael.

After a few failed attempts to reopen the blue moon portal, Papa has finally figured out the potion and is able to get it open only to be caught by Gargamel. Since the portal is open, Brainy (Fred Armisen) goes back and gets the other Smurfs because “no Smurf is left behind”—what good soldiers they would be. In an epic battle of good vs. evil, Gargamel is defeated and the little blue shits are able to time warp again back to home. Everyone was able to live Smurfily ever after.

There are a few things I am really happy about. The writers incorporated a reason why Smurfette is the only female Smurf in the village, which was always a question to me. I just always thought she was the town whore. The other choice I like is Hank Azaria as Gargamel. The second he did his evil laugh, I actually looked up from my phone (which I was using intently to distract myself as much as possible) and thought, WOW he nailed it. That evil laugh reminded me exactly of the laugh I remember from the show. Yes, I used to watch this show all the time when I was growing up. I loved the Smurfs, which is why I have so many problems with this movie.

First off, this movie does not represent the Smurfs in any sort of correct form. Yes they have them off on an adventure but this isn’t the adventures they are used to doing from the show and cartoon. I also hated that from the first second I saw the first little blue creature, it looked so computerized. I wish they would have made them look a little more like the originals but once again a disappointment.

Secondly, I feel like I could have written this movie, which is an awful thing to say. The whole time I kept saying to myself…been there, seen that. To me, it seems like the writers just took aspects from different movies, jumbled them up and created this movie. Like when they traveled through the portal to NYC, it reminded me exactly of Ella Enchanted. And the line Smurf-a-bonga… How insulting to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (some of the greatest movies EVER!). They could have at least made this movie true to the Smurf’s form instead of clearly ripping off other movies.

Thirdly, I feel so bad for Neil Patrick Harris. I love him on How I Met Your Mother. In that show he is always able to make me laugh, not the case in this movie. I know there has to have been at least one movie idea thrown in his direction that he could have taken that was better than this flick. Come on NPH, what were you thinking? Could this kill your career in the movie industry? Maybe, but good thing you have your charm and good looks.

Lastly, the climax between Gargamel vs. the Smurfs is far from breathtaking. During this match, Gargamel has become an all-mighty wizard and the battle has turned Harry Potter-esque. The scene looks like it is taken out of Deathly Hollows II and just has little blue things lying around the scene. This probably was one of the most entertaining parts of the movie and that solely on the fact that I love Harry Potter.

With all this said, this movie was not made for 26 year old people (insert old lady jokes here), but for the youngsters. Because of the ripping-off-age, this movie would probably hold the attention span of those children long enough for parents to not want to rip their hair out for a whole 90 minutes, which is probably why it grossed a little over $35.5 million the first weekend it was out. Parents needed a break from their little brats, and this movie gave them the opportunity. But for me, it was an embarrassment.

Rating: 1.5 out of 5 stars

Quick Hits

Hey folks! Things have been hectic lately, for both Mike and myself, but never fear. We have more posts on the way I assure you, but until then I wanted to send out some quick reviews and hits from movies I've seen recently. Some of them certainly would benefit from further analysis but for the sake of time (or lack there of) I'm condensing them.

The Help

All the talk about this feel-good movie is aimed at Emma Stone but let me clear the air here. Emma Stone is not the star of this movie. She's funny, sassy, and likable, and this role is probably a pivotal one that will alter her career down the Julie Roberts path rather than the Cameron Diaz path, i.e. she can act. The show is stolen by Viola Davis as Aibileen Clark as the vulnerable but fueled maid who really ignites the controversy, as Stone's "Skeeter" is merely a vessel. Davis carries all the emotional weight and has the most to lose the whole time, she is the real hero of this feel good story despite what the Oscar talk would have you believe. It's not a movie for everyone, but I'm sure even a few guys would see the quality this film has.

Rating: 4 out of 5.

Friends with Benefits

What appears to be a fairly generic romantic comedy here really is much more. Why? How 'bout Justin Timberlake's boyish charm? This isn't a gay thing, he's just very fun to watch every time he's on the screen. Mila Kunis is good as well but Timberlake makes this movie worth watching. Well, that and the great supporting cast (namely Woody Harrelson and Emma Stone) who maximize each moment of screen time they get. But most importantly, FWB doesn't try to horribly disguise itself behind a cheesy gimmick (see: Killers, Bounty Hunter, What Happens in Vegas, The Ugly Truth, etc.), instead it's simply about two people going through with life. My only beef is that no matter how different it tries to feel, every RomCom is doomed to repeat the same ending.

(Note: What does it say that of the four movies listed above, Katherine Heigel and Aston Kutcher star in two of them, together in one. What does that say about how awful they are? What would Heigel be without Knocked Up? And at least Kutcher is smart enough to latch onto a winning TV show before he completely flamed out.)

Rating: 3.5 out of 5.

Captain America: The First Avenger

Perhaps the single most anticipated movie this year in my head. If you told me one year ago that I wouldn't see this movie until almost a month after it was released, I'd blame everything on director Joe Johnston. But I'm happy to say that there is little blame to pass. Captain America is well-cast, well-paced, and damn entertaining. Chris Evans works as Steve Rogers, which proves vastly more important than how he works as Captain America (btw, also good). Most importantly, Capt. has good action and drama from start to finish. It's a really great blend of history and fantasy but I must admit I've one minor gripe: the score. Every other recent Marvel film has had an outstanding score (most notably The Incredible Hulk) and The Dark Knight raised the bar. Captain tries to push an older style, much like the Indiana Jones films, but in some spots it simply feels out of place and a bit of nuisance. For casual movie-goers, it won't hardly be noticed though.

Rating: 4 out of 5.