Thursday, December 30

The Fighter

Reviewed by Steve Kochems and Mike Kamrowski

My favorite sports writer, Bill Simmons, pointed out in his ESPN column that there have been 35 boxing movies in the last 35 years, most of which follow the cookie-cutter pattern of big name star who plays an under achieving fighter, meets a girl in his neighborhood, and then builds up to the big fight climax where he wins everything, including the girl. This of course is not the case with classics like Million Dollar Baby or Rocky (or Rocky Balboa for that matter). The 2010 film The Fighter may seem like just another boxing movie, but you’d have to see it to realize how fresh and new it feels.

The movie follows boxer Mickey Ward (Mark Wahlberg) and his relationship with his older brother, Dicky Eklund (Christian Bale), also a former professional boxer who once knocked down Sugar Ray Leonard but is now a struggling crack addict. Much of the beginning leaves Mickey in the shadows as Dicky is followed by HBO films, which is doing a movie on him. His mother and manager (Melissa Leo) and his numerous sisters all follow every step of Dicky’s but ignore the obvious signs of trouble.

For the first 40 minutes or so of the film, you really feel for Wahlberg, who nails the sympathetic and quiet Mickey (and should be getting more Oscar buzz than he is). On the contrary, Bale completely envelops himself in the role of Dickey, going from quirky and funny one minute to a train wreck and pathetic the next, which is one of the most dangerous moves the film makes but I’ll touch on that in a minute.

Mickey’s relationship with Charlene (Amy Adams) is one of the better cinematic examples in recent history. He first gets her number, and then blows her off after his first fight. Charlene is far from the quiet reserve princess but is very much a fighter herself. She acts as a major catalyst for Mickey’s professional changes in the movie and Adams really nails the role, bringing that gritty, tough bartending woman out.

Now, the major thing that worried me with this film was its tonal shifts. This movie is a lot funnier than you’d be led to believe, Wahlberg and Bale both bring their own comedy but as a natural feel from their characters so it never seems forced but rather more like a real family with real emotions. It takes out that Hollywood feel of them telling us that they are a family and rather showing us. And while this is a good thing normally, when it shifts from those moments to Dicky going through crack withdrawals, you can often lose the audience. It’s a major gamble to bring the darkest and lightest of a family dynamic into a film, but I’ve gotta hand it to director David O. Russell (Three Kings) for balancing them well.

The Fighter is probably one of the most re-watchable films this year, which scores major points with me. It’s a feel good story that in many ways works more like a documentary than a narrative. I really truly enjoyed the fact that the fight scenes were shot on gritty B cameras like HBO Boxing After Dark would do (a la Rocky Balboa). It keeps the story feeling gritty, not glamorous and clean like you would feel with Ali.

It’s one of the best films of the year, that’s for sure, and is certainly a must-see. It will be on my DVD shelf, which is a rarity for me to proclaim that this early, but it’s that good.
 
Rating: 5 out of 5

I'm right with Steve on this one. From the great supporting cast to realistic (these were choreographed?) fight scenes, The Fighter really took me by surprise. While I don't think it's a better boxing movie than, say, Rocky, I do think that it can hold its own against other heavy weights in the genre.

Wahlberg and Adams were great a great on-screen couple and you could really feel the chemistry between the two and the rest of the cast. Steve was right when he said that they all felt like one big family, which is essentially what the film is about.

Yes, this is a boxing film. Yes, this is an homage to the story of Mickey Ward. Yes, Bale's character struggles with drug addiction. Yes, Wahlberg has awesome abs. But after everything, this movie shows the struggles and bonds of a family, their hopes and dreams, successes and failures. When Ward won, the family won. When he lost...

I think the thing I was most impressed with in this flick was the acting of Christian Bale. I still haven't gotten around to Black Swan or True Grit, but I can't imagine those movies having a supporting character taking us to where Bale took us with Dicky Eklund. The former boxing star turned crack head, Bale was electric on screen- he was Eklund. From his cocky demeanor, his swagger, his exaggerated mannerisms- he completely transformed himself into another person. Steve was spot on when he said he can go from funny one minute (jumping out of crack house windows) to a complete train wreck the next (see: fake prostitution sting scene). If Bale doesn't get the Best Supporting Actor Oscar (if not for what was mentioned above, then for his breath-taking walking-down-the-street-holding-an-ice-cream-cake scene), I'll be shocked.

Rating: 5 out of 5

Friday, December 24

Black Swan


Reviewed by Steve Kochems

There’s no getting around the elephant in the room here. Anyone who knows me knows that I’m a huge Natalie Portman fan, so I’m going to get right to it. This movie is incredibly sexual and it stars Natalie Portman. Two and two equal four. So yeah, it scored major points for me right off the bat. Mila Kunis didn’t hurt either. 

However I try to be professional, and I try to remain objective and take a film for what it’s worth, ignoring the external influences that might cloud my judgment that all of you, our readers, put so much stock into. I am going to do my best to do just that, hence why I’ve addressed what would be a glaring issue first in my approach to this film.

Ok, ready? Go.

Black Swan follows the growth of Nina (Portman), a young ballerina who seeks to be the featured dancer in a prominent show, Swan Lake, where she must embody both the pure and elegant white swan but also the passion-filled seducing black swan. Nina’s journey, as the title suggests, is about coming to understand what it means to be to be the black swan. But many things stand in her way- the growing doubts from her employer, Thomas Leroy (Vincent Cassel), growing pressure from her mother (Barbra Hershey) a former ballerina herself, and competition from other dancers, primarily the newly arrived and wildly salacious Lily (Kunis), whose friendship may have one or more hidden objectives.

What hits hardest about this film is how many layers it carries under the same plot threat. Nina begins to lose herself as she begins to try to transition from the white swan to the black, but beneath that is Nina making choices as she grows up, the decisions that determine what kind of person she chooses to be. This is evident with the sexual tones of the film, from Lily and Thomas’s advances on Nina to her most intimate moments alone with herself; she begins to lose control under the pressure of being in the spotlight.

I’ve not been the biggest fan of Darren Aronofsky, mainly because I think Requiem for a Dream was a giant bag of depressing, but I think he does a particularly good job here of utilizing the psychological elements in an otherwise grounded narrative. As Nina falls deeper and deeper into becoming the black swan, the lines of reality start to blur, but are well disguised enough so that it feels not as if the film is losing its direction but rather Nina is and we are all witness to it. That is quality filmmaking.

I can’t promise this will be a film for everyone; it’s violent and, as stated before, incredibly sexual. For an average movie-goer, this may seem like nothing more than a soft-core porno with a really messed up plot, but if you’re looking to see how deep a movie can be, more directly how deep one can go into a single character, this might just be the movie for you.

Rating: 5 out of 5

Wednesday, December 22

True Grit

Reviewed by Steve Kochems

IGN.com claims that this film was “the best Western since Unforgiven” (as if I needed anymore hype to see a Coen movie…). That’s a bold statement, to put a film on par with one as deeply rooted in a genre as Unforgiven, let alone the Western genre that is rich with history. But after seeing the new film by Joel and Ethan Coen, I’d be inclined to agree with IGN. Not only that, if Unforgiven is the last Western, as many have called it, then True Grit might just be the rebirth of the Western.

Unlike the 1969 John Wayne classic, the remake follows the journey of Mattie Ross (Hailee Steinfeld), a 14 year-old girl who seeks to avenge her father’s death by enlisting the help of the drunken gun-slinging U.S. Marshall, Rooster Cogburn (Jeff Bridges). Rather than making the focal point about Rooster as a fatherly figure to young Mattie, the Coen’s let the plot simmer and simply be a fun adventure. We see Mattie, Rooster, and Texas Ranger LaBoeuf (Matt Damon) grow on this journey together, from a general disliking each has for the other to eventually overcoming bandits and the rugged western terrain, all in pursuit of the murderous Tom Chaney (Josh Brolin).

This will not be a film for everyone, mainly people that despise Western’s, but for the traditional fan of John Ford and other classics this will be a sheer delight. Bridges completely owns the roll from the first moment you hear his voice as Rooster and Damon’s LaBoeuf completes a perfect dichotomy. Holding them together is Steinfeld, who really shines in the film as the persistent Mattie at the helm. She never shows the ravenous side of revenge, but stays calm and clear with her intentions from start to finish. This is the biggest reason why the True Grit stays grounded at a central tone, never venturing too dark, too virtuous, or too comedic. Watching this young girl overtake the man’s world is certainly a delight as she outwits almost every character at one point or another. But perhaps the biggest surprise is Brolin- as Chaney he takes you from smiles to chills in a very short span, though never venturing too far in one direction to shift the film off its base.

I was far from surprised as to how good this film was- I’ve come to expect nothing less from the Coen Brothers, even after my somewhat disappointed view on A Serious Man (okay, not disappointed, perplexed… review coming after a second viewing). What really stood out to me was how good of a Western it works as. The Coen’s have never been filmmakers that try to subscribe to any one genre for a film, but always blending them to tell the best story possible. In this case though, the genre has been deprived for some time of a real classic. I can’t say for sure that this will lead to the rebirth of the Western genre (though Jon Favreau’s Cowboys and Aliens looks promising), mostly because Hollywood has never seemed to follow the trends or success of the Coen’s. But if in ten years we are talking about Western’s like we are now about Superhero movies, you can cite me here as the first to claim it.

Rating: 5 out of 5 stars

Tuesday, December 14

Top 5: Christmas Comedies

by Steve Kochems

It'd be a lie if I said that I thought of this idea all on my own, but I'm gonna go with that anyhow. Mike did get me in the Christmas spirit with his top five animated Christmas movies, and tickled my childhood bone... wait... anyways it inspired me to do this list of top five Christmas comedies, or as it will soon be called "why Steve is cynical and hates Christmas." But if you really take this list into consideration, you'll see I'm as cheerful as old saint Nick.

(NOTE: I haven't seen Scrooged yet, yeah I know, so I've omitted it from this list intentionally.)

5.) A Christmas Story

Oh no! Boo! Steve, you're wrong! It's a classic! Best Christmas movie ever! Boo!
Wrong. TBS has played a Christmas story for a 24 period every year since I can remember. Doesn't anyone else find that annoying? I get to see it on TV once a year and it just plays over and over and over and over. It's too much, I can't take it. I hate that programming plan so much that it's actually ruined the movie for me entirely. I only included it on this list because as a kid, I really did have a love for this movie because of it's simplicity. It's a completely organic family dynamic for it's time period with almost no flabby exposition to try and get out. Everything feels just like you're at your cousin's house. Except now, your cousins have the same argument for 24 hours every year. It makes me wanna shoot my eye out.

4.) Home Alone

Now this would be number 5 if it wasn't for TBS. It's all the things that a 24 hour marathon haven't ruined, snappy dialogue and physical humor. Joe Pesci at his finest, well, close. It really is still a charming story for the whole family despite McCauley Culkin turning into a creepy real-life version of Powder. I would also consider Home Alone 2 into this mix because it does what most sequels can't, keep the characters and story fresh while maintaining the fun tone of the original.

3.) Elf

One of the best and most refreshing films of the traditional Christmas pattern in the last decade. Will Ferrell at his best here and he really shows that he can appeal to all demographics with his comedy. An early glimpse of the directorial skills of Jon Favreau can also be seen here, as the film moves along through the hilarious idiocy of Buddy the Elf while maintaining a higher purpose in the grand scheme of the film overall. It's good enough to watch year round, which isn't easy for a Christmas movie to do.

2.) Christmas Vacation

You wanna talk classics? You wanna talk tradition? You wanna talk, ah fuck it. When I think Christmas I think this movie. Chevy Chase as the pinnacle of fatherhood leads the way for this movie to be perhaps the greatest Christmas movie of all time. Any time I see Randy Quaid, whether it be in Independence Day or on the police blotter, I just think of him standing in the middle of a street on a snowy December morning with a septic hose because, well, shitters... they get full. It also marked the beginning for Chase as what many could consider the father of a generation of comedies, and not in the sense that he gave rise to a new form of comedy but rather anyone in their 20's or 30's right now thinks of a comedy that most resembles their father, it's probably Clark Griswald.

1.) Bad Santa

Here comes the cynicism. Besides the fact that this film has perfect casting, or that it is by far the most hilarious and abusive Christmas comedy ever, or that it has some of the best juxtapositions in cinematic history, combining cheery Christmas music and sets with a very drunk and very angry Billy Bob Thornton, this movie has the biggest character arc of any listed here. Willie goes from being an abusive drunk who porks women in the big and tall section to, well, a semi-drunk who cares more about kids and his lovely bartender and Santa-fetish'd girlfriend. It really shows how much good the Christmas spirit can do. I don't care what anyone says, every Christmas I'm sure to watch this at least twice and love every minute of it.

Got any favorites I missed? (Besides Scrooged, I know, I know) Let me know!

Top 5: Animated Christmas Films

by Mike Kamrowski

'Tis the season to sit inside and watch television... especially here in Buffalo where the snow is absurd. I'm probably high-balling here, but I'd say we got about three feet since this morning. So, what better way to pass the time than by watching Christmas cartoons!? ...with a few beers maybe.

There's been a lot of animated Xmas flicks over the years, so here are my Top 5- I'm sure some, if not all of these will show up on your favorites list as well.

5.) A Charlie Brown Christmas

Charlie Brown was a bit before my time (more than 20 years really...), but I still enjoy this holiday classic and can't help but watch it when it inevitably comes on TV each December. Written by Charlie Brown/Peanuts creator Charles Schulz, the story follows the Peanuts gang during the Christmas season. Charlie Brown is worrying (of course, right? what is it with this kid!?) that Christmas has become too commercial and no one knows the true meaning of the holiday. Stupid Lucy suggests Charlie take over the annual Christmas pageant, which will this year touch on the Nativity, but nothing really goes to plan as everyone just wants to dance or whatever the hell it is that the Peanuts characters love to do. Linus saves the day by reading from the Gospel of Luke and telling everyone what Christmas is really about- the birth of Jesus. This is also the only movie on this list to be sponsored by Coca-Cola, win an Emmy and Peabody Award, and feature a human-like dog that wins a Christmas decorating contest.

4.) Frosty the Snowman

Who wouldn't love a giant talking snowman come to life via a magical hat? Now that I think about it, that sounds pretty horrifying, but this animated short from way back in 1969 (ha-ha) has been a holiday staple for over 40 years. Here, we follow a giant, man-eating snowman that comes to life and terrorizes a small town and its inhabitants... what? That's not how it goes? It's actually an adaptation of the famous song of the same title about a snowman named Frosty that is really nice and is loved by one and all? Interesting...

The story follows a young girl named Karen who finds a magical top hat discarded by the half-ass magacian Professor Hinkle. When Hinkle realizes his hat has turned a snowman into a living thing, he tries to steal it back. The snowman, Frosty, and Karen try and escape to the North Pole due to the increasing temperature. In case you didn't know, snowmen are not a fan of the beach. Along their trip, Hinkle is constantly trying to get the hat back, until finally Santa shows up and saves the day (as usual). The moral of the story? Never throw out a good hat.

3.) The Nightmare Before Christmas

Admit it right now: you absolutely love this film. Tim Burton's 1993 (Wow, it's really that old?) stop motion masterpiece is a combination of horror, fantasy, family, holiday, comedy... the list goes on. Despite the genre blend, The Nightmare Before Christmas is one of those flicks that comes along and is instantly a classic. The story follows Jack Skellington (The Pumpkin King) and the citizens of "Halloween Town" as they prepare for their annual Halloween bash. But Jack is bored with the same old routine and, after a sobering trek through the woods, discovers a door leading to "Christmas Town". Jack decides to take over Christmas for Santa and... well, things don't go as planned. Some might argue that this is strictly a Halloween film, and for those people I say, "why do we only need to watch this awesome movie in October?"

Also, Oogie Boogie is epic.

2.) Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer 

Another stop-animation classic, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer has given us some of our favorite holiday characters (besides Santa and Frosty, of course). The story follows Rudolph, a reindeer with a red glowing nose. He tries to hide his nose, but his condition is soon discovered and he runs away to the forest. It is here that he meets up with Hermes, an elf who wants to become a dentist (what the hell? Of all the professions to give a character...) instead of making toys. They have an adventure, meeting a reindeer-eating monster (the Abominable Snowman), a gold obsessed prospector named Yukon Cornelius, venture to the Island of Misfit Toys. Everything eventually turns out for the better, Rudolph is accepted after he guides Santa's sleigh on a particularly snowy Christmas, and Hermes opens up a dentist office. What a weird ending to a movie, right?

Fun fact: Romeo Muller wrote both this television short AND Frosty the Snowman- the man was good at holiday stories. He also co-wrote the 1977 made-for-TV short The Hobbit based on the story of the same name by J.R.R. Tolkien.

1.) How the Grinch Stole Chistmas!

I'm not talking about the live action/Jim Carrey creep-show from 2000. We're dealing with the old-school, animated version of Dr. Seuss' How the Grinch Stole Christmas here, and it is awesome. Boris Karloff lends his smooth, baritone voice as both the narrator and the dastardly Grinch himself. This is the tale of a mountain-dwelling creature who is so hell-bent on destroying happiness that he literally steals Christmas from his neighboring town, Whoville. With the reluctant help of his dog, Max, the Grinch forms a plan to descend on Whoville, dressed as Santa, and steal all the holiday spirit with a makeshift sleigh and several impossible vacuum hoses - from presents, to Christmas trees to decorations, he took everything from those poor Who's... even the roast beast! While this would give a normal person 25-to-life, the Grinch learned his lesson and returned everything after he saw that no matter what he did, he couldn't break the Who's spirit. If this film doesn't warm your heart, you're a Communist, and that's why it's No. 1 for me.

Sunday, December 5

Cop Out

Reviewed by Mike

There's things you don't know about me, Jim, I'll fuck a little kid up if he kick me in the dick! -Tracy Morgan



In a year of buddy-comedy movies (Dinner for Schmucks, The Other Guys, Hot Tub Time Machine, MacGruber, Get Him to the Greek...), there was one that I was really caught my attention- Cop Out. Actually, fuck that, I was pumped for this movie.

Tracy Morgan and Bruce Willis are N.Y.P.D. detectives who get into crazy situations full of hilarious antics!? That formula might possibly be the best for any comedy movie ever... unfortunately, the end result fell short of my expectations- way short.

The story follows Jimmy Monroe (Willis), a divorcee and down-on-his-luck veteran cop who's trying to stay on the force and front the bill for his daughters up-coming wedding. His partner, Paul Hodges (Morgan), brings the funny to the partnership via hilarious reactions and one-liners. The two get into various funny situations, from a not so by-the-book interrogation by Hodges (I got the death sentence on 12 systems!), to the way Jimmy deals with his ex-wife's new boyfriend (Jason Lee)- there are a lot of funny bits in this movie, with Hodges being the centerpiece for most of them.

Unfortunately, after a drug bust goes bad for the two cops, they get suspended and have to find a new, not so legal way to catch the bad guys... and make some money on the side. Jimmy decides to part ways with a classic (and expensive) baseball he got from his father in order to pay for his daughter Ava's (Michelle Trachtenberg) wedding. Unfortunately, when he goes to sell the card, the store is robbed by a couple of small-time crooks, one of which is a loud mouth parkour expert (Sean William Scott). The rest of the flick is full of Mexican drug dealers, unorthodox police tactics (they handcuff William Scott to the police cruiser and drag him through an abandoned lot until he agrees to help them out) and great one-liners from Morgan.

It's enjoyable to watch Willis play the hard-ass cop we all know and love (Die Hard series) and get some comic relief from the goofy stunts and random lines Morgan is constantly pulling out of seemingly no where. Sean William Scott adds additional comic relief, constantly egging Morgan on which results in some pretty funny banter.

I had really high expectations for this movie, and while I did enjoy it, for some reason I just wasn't satisfied. I think Willis' character came off as too soft in some respects and the writers (Robb and Mark Cullen) attempted to go too in depth with each character- Morgan's character spent a lot of the film worrying about his (possibly) unfaithful wife, when they should have just let him go crazy and do whatever the hell he wanted. Willis showed that he can be funny, but I think it would be best if he stuck to his usual action genre of film (although, I heard he was magic in Red).

At the end though, Cop Out was funny for one reason: Tracy Morgan. Not because Kevin Smith directed it, not because Bruce Willis played the cliche hard-ass cop with the heart of gold, not because of any other actors or any of the physical humor or sight gags- it was funny because of Tracy Morgan. The man is comedy gold; from Saturday Night Live to 30 Rock, he's great in no matter what he does. Additional case in point, the movie Totally Awesome. Probably one of the worst movies of all time, Morgan took his role as stereotypical "black guy" Darnell and made it one of the funniest characters in his repertoire.


(if you can watch this and not laugh your ass off, you have no sense of humor)

Flat out, I liked this film but I thought it could have been better (that is to say, funnier). While I haven't heard anything about a sequel in the works, I'm really hoping for one because I feel like this movie deserves another chance. The cast was good, the direction was good and the writing was good, but what we're dealing with here is a comedy that could have had... more comedy.

3 out of 5

Friday, December 3

A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010)

by Steve Kochems

Normally I like to do a lead in, something witty or interesting that leads into my overall opinion of the film. I'll even occasionally do a synopsis somewhere in here as well. But, fuck me. There's no nice way to put this, but I cannot believe how bad this remake is. Robert Englund is probably laughing his ass off at how bad this is.

I don't even know where to start. I guess I'll start with the good. The effects.

Ok now to the bad. I wonder how many people read through this script without mentioning or suggesting for a dialogue rewrite. Then again, I can't really tell which is worse, the writing or the actors. Even Jackie Earl Haley's lines are bad, its like a forced muffling that is clearly done in post-production. It might be the most disappointing part of the movie since there was such a demonic charm to how Robert Englund delivered his lines. He was the perfect blend of funny and terrifying, which is what made those films so enjoyable each time I'd watch it. Instead we get this MTV produced garbage. I'm surprised Megan Fox wasn't cast as Nancy.


So the plot basically follows along the same as the original, except with less control. We start the film with a gruesome throat slitting. Now, this would've been really interesting to open up with but it's completely ruined by having cuts to Freddie (just in case anyone forgot what the movie was about). The idea of a teen (by the way, the kid looks like he's at least thirty) cutting his own throat in front of his friend is pretty terrifying, especially when it seems like there might be someone else doing it, like a possession or something. But since we see Freddie, it complete dissolves the uniqueness of the scene. It's just another slasher moment that is overly violent for the sake of the 21st century audience that can't get enough blood on screen. Makes me wanna vomit.

Though I should mention that after about the midpoint, the dreams do get more physically violent rather than some of the outrageous murders that we saw in the sequels, and while this sort of brings the movie to a more down-to-earth form, I still can't make it through the terrible writing and worse acting. In fact, in a matter of two minutes the film steals five lines from Freddy vs. Jason and even the final decapitation. You're pretty sparse for ideas when you're lifting from that movie.

I think what bothers me most is the fact that they basically lift the same murder scenes from the original film. Now I don't think I'd consider this lazy but it's just hollow because the rest of the film is so flat. In the original, nobody is killed for the first twenty minutes. We follow Nancy and friends through trying to understand these nightmares they are having. It helps build tension; the remake shifts around a lot. We meet Nancy at the start, but mostly follow Kris up until she's murdered. Then we move to Nancy. And to Jesse. And to Quintin. And back to Nancy.

I guess I shouldn't just complain- there are some decent things to say about the effects. When Nancy is looking up information on Freddie, she finds a web video of an Asian kid who seems to be having the same dreams. The drug store scene is also pretty creative, though we start to blur the lines of what Freddie's real powers are. Somehow a kid falls asleep in a pool... A girl while she's walking... Two characters simultaneously hear Freddie's laugh while they are both awake and walking through a field... Two characters have gone all Inception on us and entered into the same dream... The list goes on, so I'll just stop here.

I think it just all adds up to this remake being done for the sake of nostalgia and no other ideas in Hollywood. New Line Cinema is called "the house that Freddie built" so I'm sure they figured any movie about Freddie Krueger would make money. And while I would agree that a movie further exploring the back story of Freddie would be worth making, the fact that they handled it so carelessly is almost insulting, especially when we're getting quality remakes of other classics from that period like Rob Zombie's Halloween and the new Friday the 13th. They have multiple opportunities to bring a contemporary feel to his character, but instead only feed my nostalgia for the old movie.

In watching this I did come up with a way to make this film great. Shut off the audio and just watch the visuals, like a silent film. Only turn it on when Nancy is crawling through a hallway swamp of blood so you can here Freddie utter the only worthwhile line in the film.

How about that for a wet dream?

Rating:
1 out of 5 stars

Wednesday, December 1

Due Date

Reviewed by Mike

Robert Downey, Jr. and Zach Galifianakis star in this buddy comedy about two guys traveling, road trip style, from the East Coast to Los Angeles. The story follows dad-to-be Peter Highman (Downey, Jr.) and wannabe "actor" Ethan Tremblay (Galifianakis) as they try and get from Atlanta to LA before the birth of Highman's child, a very small time frame of about three days.

Directed by Todd Phillips (The Hangover, Starsky & Hutch, Old School, Road Trip), this comedy is high on the moronic and low on everything else... but we'll get into that in just a minute.

Peter and Ethan cross paths at an airport- they end up switching bags and Peter gets busted with Ethan's smoking piece (and not for smoking tobacco). They end up sitting near each other on the airplane and, due to the free spirit that Ethan is and the high-strung neurotic that is Peter (weird, Robert Downey, Jr. plays a high-strung neurotic), they butt heads, get kicked off the airplane due to using words like "bomb" and "terrorism" and they each get slapped with a "no fly" charge.

Long story short, Peter needs to get to his pregnant wife, Sarah (Michelle Monaghan), in LA who is expecting to deliver her baby at the end of the week, and he has to ride with Ethan because he has no money due to a lost wallet. He has about three days to travel, via car with the guy who got him kicked off the airplane and thrown on the "no fly" list, from Atlanta to LA. Oh the adventures they're just going to get into!

Things obviously go wrong (cars gets destroyed, Peter's patience are tested), with the two butting heads throughout the road trip. Ethan, who recently lost his father, is carrying around his old man's ashes in a coffee can and it only gets weirder from there.

Due Date also has a pretty decent supporting cast. Jamie Foxx plays Peter's famous athlete friend Darryl, who Peter thinks may be having an affair with his wife. Juliette Lewis plays a drug dealer who hooks up Ethan with his glaucoma medicine; Todd Phillips steps in as her perm-hating boyfriend. Danny McBride plays a war veteran/Western Union representative who beats Downey, Jr's ass and RZA plays an airport screener who finds the pipe in Peter's luggage.

There's a lot of physical humor in this movie, almost entirely on Galifianakis' part, although there is a pretty funny scene where the two, who are both extremely high, get busted at the Mexican border. After some ridiculous antics, Ethan frees Peter from the Mexican border patrol via a high speed car chase, with Ethan driving a truck and Peter in a trailer attached to the hitch.

Peter and Ethan become friends at the end (obviously) and Ethan, who is obsessed with Two and a Half Men, ends up getting a few appearances on the show.

The best part of this film, and for me there really weren't many "best parts", was the acting of Downey, Jr. He can take a role like this one and act the hell out of it- it was impressive. Other than that, there were a few parts that made me chuckle... but not much.

The most frustrating thing about this movie was the acting of Galifianakis. I understand, he's supposed to play his typical role of the lovable moron, and that is expected for this film. But this... this was just bad. It was Alan from The Hangover meets Therman from Dinner for Schmucks, except an effeminate, wannabe actor who loves to smoke weed. SO FUNNY! It got to be really annoying after the first 20 minutes or so.

I think the main reason that I was so disappointed was because I really had high hopes for it. Robert Downey, Jr. and Zach Galifianakis are both great actors (or entertaining actors, at least), so when I first saw the trailers for this movie, I thought, "Oh, shit... this is gonna be awesome." Turns out, my initial reaction wasn't even close to how I felt at the end of the movie.

On the contrary, when I watched Grown Ups, I didn't really see any previews or hear much about it (except that it got pretty poor reviews), so my expectations were very low; the movie turned out to be hilarious and I'm really happy I watched it.

This wasn't a horrible movie, but it isn't one I would want to see a sequel of. Or to see again for that matter.

2 out of 5

Starship Troopers

Reviewed by Mike

Starship Troopers is one of those rare science-fiction/alien/war movies that really delivers. "Delivers on what?", you might be asking yourself... well that's why we're here- to explain why this movie is fucking awesome.

Let me start off by saying, I love this movie. I've loved it ever since it came out in 1997 and I'll love it until I'm dead. I could be doing anything, literally anything, and I would stop to watch this film. Megan Fox could be giving me a foot job and I would make her stop to watch this movie that I've seen 1,000 times before, it's that awesome. Here's why:

Number one: it's about giant alien bugs who want to destroy Earth for some unexplained reason. These bugs are God damn viscous and look mean as hell. They kill humans just to do it- I mean, they can't even leave their planet and they're starting shit with us. That takes some chutzpah and they get a few respect points from me for that.

Number two: Casper Van Dien and Denise Richards are hot. CVD, while his career didn't really do much after this movie (eh, I guess I can sort of see why), is awesome. Chiseled jaw and boy-like features, mixed with a cockiness and shoot-first-ask-questions-fucking-never attitude make him fun to watch, while Denise Richards is just plain sexy. And I'm talking young Denise Richards here, waaaay before the whole Charlie Sheen/TV show on E! Denise Richards. She's looking fine as hell, except for her eyebrows... gross.

Number three: the guns are awesome. These aren't you average, run of the mill machine guns and sniper rifles- these bitches do serious damage. These soldiers have futuristic grenades and they all carry around RPG launchers, except instead of normal explosives, these launch nukes. The giant spaceships show the vastness and power of the Federation and are pretty kick-ass and futuristic in themselves.

Number four: Neil Patrick Harris. That is all. NPH is a God.

Number five: Boobs. There are a lot of nude scenes in this movie, which I don't have a problem with at all. I think the director, Paul Verhoeven, found out he was allowed to show tits in this flick and decided to adopt the mentality of go big or go home.

I don't want to get into the movie too much, but a general synopsis is probably in order, so if you've never seen this flick (doubtful), skip to the end.

The story follows Johnny Rico (Van Dien), the typical high school jock/pretty boy/hero type, his girlfriend Carmen Ibanez (Richards), their genius friend Carl Jenkins (NPH) and Rico obsessed hottie Dizzy Flores (Dina Meyer) during their last days of high school and their integration into the Federation (the modern day Earth military). NPH becomes a scientist, Ibanez a pilot, and Rico (who joined solely for Ibanez) and Dizzy are your average soldiers, so they all get separated during their original recruitment, but keep meeting up with each other throughout the film.

The main enemy in this movie is a race of giant alien Bugs that are hell bent on destroying everything. They have no weaponry or technology, but their planet is surrounded by an asteroid belt and some of the bugs have the ability to shoot giant plasma-balls out of their ass (ha-ha, awesome sentence), thus hitting an asteroid and sending it hurling at Earth. Not good.

So Rico is tearing shit up a boot camp and impressing his drill Sargent, Sgt. Zim (Clancy Brown). Rico gets promoted to Squad Leader and things are going good, until one day he accidentally gets one of his guys killed in a training exercise. He's just about to take off and say "to hell with this military shit" when all of a sudden his hometown (Buenos Aires, which I always thought looked a lot like southern California in Starship Troopers) gets destroyed.

Oh. Fuck.

Dizzy is pissed and Rico is pissed and one of Rico's military buddies, Ace Levy (Jake Busey, and yes, he is the son of Gary Busey... and Lord can you tell), is pissed and shit's about to get crazy! Rico's squad gets sent in during the first wave of attacks against the Bug planet, where he almost gets his shit ruined, but then he gets saved and thrown into a giant vat of water, Empire Strikes Back style, to make him all better. Meanwhile, Ibanez broke up with him (Denise Richards is one big cock tease in this movie... bitch) and Dizzy is trying to swoop in and steal Rico for herself.

Enter the metal armed badass that is Jean Rasczak (Michael Ironside). One of Rico's old high school teachers and the guy that got him interested in joining the Federation in the first place, Rasczak has one rule: "Everyone fights, no one quits. If you run away, I'll kill you myself." I guess that's really more like three rules, but whatever- he's awesome. He also delivered a few more gems in this flick:

"Come on, you apes! Do you wanna live forever?," to "It sucked his brains out." My personal favorite is after a Sargent gets swooped up by a flying Bug and brought on top of a cliff to be eaten (maybe? is that what the Bugs do, eat the soldiers?), he grabs a sniper rifle and shoots the captured soldier in the chest, responding with, "I'd expect any of you to do the same for me." What a badass.

So Rico and his crew join up with the metal armed wonder and his squad, known as the Roughnecks. The new unit gets sent in on a rescue mission- apparently a base was sending out a distress call and stuff needs to be investigated. But when they arrive on the scene, everyone is dead.

It's a trap! This scene, where the Roughnecks are trapped at the outpost, waiting and waiting for their rescue ship to arrive, is epic. The small fort they're trying to hold down just gets surrounded by thousands of the enemy Bugs and the Roughnecks are just laying waste to all of them. Unfortunately, our boy Rasczak gets killed and so does Dizzy, but Ibanez shows up in a ship and rescues everyone else in the nick of time. Yay!

The movie continues and there's a giant Brain Bug that looks like a huge brain with eight eyes and a giant vagina for a nose- gross. The Brain Bug gets captured and the good guys win and Rico probably gets laid or something, who knows?

All of that being said, the main problem that I've always had with the film is also the movies biggest plot hole. The Federation, which is basically the combined military of the Earth, is gigantic. They have space stations, moon bases, the latest in the way of ships, guns and equipment... yet they still need foot-soldiers. After Rico's hometown is destroyed, Rico and company get sent in for a ground-war against the Bugs.

Re-read that last sentence: Rico and company get SENT IN FOR A FUCKING GROUND-WAR against GIGANTIC, VIOLENT ALIEN BUGS. This is the same "Rico and company" that have FUCKING NUKES that they can SHOOT AS RPGS! WHAT!!?

Someone please explain to me why a planet full of giant insects, who have no way of leaving said planet whatsoever, needs to be invaded by machine gun toting foot soldiers while there are plenty of nukes just laying around... why not nuke the entire planet from space and save the countless lives (something like 300k) that were lost in the first day of battle?

I don't know what asshole thought up this battle plan, but here's how mine would have gone: "Ok guys, the enemy is a race of giant bugs with no known technology or weaponry... station all ships in orbit of the planet and hit it with nukes until it's gone. Now, let's go to the strip club buffet, I got money to burn."

That major plot hole aside, this is a great movie and I hope they make another one... what's that? They made TWO MORE movies and a video game? And they were all terrible? Well that sure is a shame...

4 out of 5