Nosferatu (1922)

Reviewed by Steve Kochems

If there is one thing that we can learn from old silent films it's that quick cuts, snappy dialogue, and shock and awe aren't the only things that make a solid film. It's good story-telling and creative camera work. That's what most films today lack. Sound, color, CGI, none of them matter if your script and director suck. So instead of subjecting myself to the normal garbage of 21st century horror films (see: Jennifer's Body, Saw 2-whatever they are at now, and Land of the Dead), I did some required viewing for my Film Genre class. I give you, the classic 1922 film Nosferatu.

Now, there are many of you who will say that a silent film is boring and drags and is no fun for anyone. Well, to put it simply, you're kind of an idiot. You are probably the same person who goes out and wastes money on shit like Silly-Bands. You probably have never read an entire book either, assuming you can read. I'm not trying to run you down or make you seem like you're stupid, you're not. You just need to pay attention to things. Not every movie is glorified fireworks (Transformers 2) or shiny cars (Fast and the Furious). Just try to focus a little, okay? Alright, let's move on.

What this film really does well is ultimately in what the filmmakers lacked. There is no shaky camera or jumpy moments, but rather paced and suspenseful ones instead. When watching a car accident, it's ten times more horrific when you can slowly see it happen, knowing you're powerless to stop it.

As for the story, well, it's far from flawless. For one, our protagonist (Hutter?) never really resolves his own conflict. That's as much as I'll say about the ending. Also, the first act does seem to drag a little. However, once we arrive at the horrifying Orlok's Castle in Transylvania (have you guessed who he is yet?), we get a crash course in suspenseful film making, with long shots of Orlok closing in on Hutter from his point of view and excellent shadow movements. The plot is really driven by the possibility of horror, Hutter only gets glimpses of it and really is powerless to stop it for the most part. While this could be a problem for some films, Nosferatu stands solidly on that possibility of horror.

It's really a good example of how much a film can do with it's bare essentials. It keeps the power in it's images, where the true power of films should lie. I can watch almost any horror movie today and I will end up being distracted (or vomiting) because of all the extra shit thrown into the film. I don't need to see someone get decapitated or gutted or even die for that matter, just showing the killer closing in (or using shadows) is enough. Too much gets shoved in your face and it leaves nothing to the imagination. If everything is demystified and shown to us, then what is there left to fear? We've seen everything.

I don't mean to bitch too much and avoid talking about the film, but I think it says something not only about films today but our culture in general. Just because we have the technology to do something doesn't necessarily mean we should, or that it would be better if we did. But some people today disagree and run to the nearest shock and awe showing to see something gruesome that they could just as easily have seen had they gone to medical school. At least then they'd be contributing to society.

Anyways, it's a worthwhile film to watch. It's run time is only 88 minutes so it's a quick watch and shows you a few things about quality film making.

4 out of 5

Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time

New to DVD, Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time seems like a pretty good action flick. While it's gotten shotty reviews, I had never watched it and thought "eh, what the hell? They got Gyllenhaal and Kingsly- how bad can it be?" Turns out, not all that bad.

This movie has everything. Shirtless Jake Gyllnhaal's, hot Persian bitches, ostrich races ("Behold the mighty ostrich!"), Sir Ben Kingsly being a dick, weird innuendo about hiding a knife in Jake's butt (or ding ding? but that would be impossible... right?) huge stunts, sand, swords, and turbans galore.

The movie starts off by showing how Gyllnhaal's character, Dastan, was adopted by King Sharaman, ruler of Persia, because he showed some serious jumping skills/courage in the market one day. We then go to current day, where Dastan and his two brothers, Tus (Richard Coyle) and Garsiv (my boy Toby Kebbell from RockNRolla), are leading an attack on a rival kingdom. Dastan does some sweet acrobatic parkour shit and ends up helping his army breach the palace of the rival kingdom.

There they find the hot-ass Princess Tamina (Gemma Arterton) and this weird dagger she seems so fond of. Jake ends up getting a hold of the dagger, not knowing the power it contains (turns back time, ya'll!). Jakey-boy said it best in the scene when he realizes just what the dagger can do, saying  "releasing the sand turns back time, and only the holder of the dagger is aware of what's happened. He can go back and alter events- change time, and no one knows but him."

I want to add that, right off the bat, Ben Kingsly seems like he's going to be a real prick. If good times are being had, he's going to be up to no good. He's scheming... look at him, with that eye liner and bald head; What are you up to, Ben? I don't know yet, but we'll get to the bottom of this- just you wait, you son of a bitch!

The part that really got me on Kingsly's case was when Dastan's King father said "Family, the bond between brothers... that is the sword that defends our empire. I pray that that sword remains strong..." and right when he said "brothers" the camera cut to Kingsly (that fuck) and he looked around all nervous... I knew it! I knew it, Ben! You asshole, you're days are numbered and I bet Jake is going to be the one to do it (It was Tus actually)!

So out of nowhere, the King gets killed by a cloak full of acid (Simpson's did it?) and it all gets blamed on Dastan. Jake-sauce and Tamina escape, being trailed the entire way by Garsiv and his band of merry men. Eventually the run into Sheik Amar (Alfred Molina who played Dr. Ock in Spiderman 2), the ruler of a region known as "The Valley of the Slaves," which is a place that is supposed to be treacherous but is actually not all that bad- Molina just doesn't like the Persians and has no interest in paying taxes... hmmm, sounds like a good idea to me.

It's here that Tamina tells Dastan that the dagger he has is her responsibility (that's weird, a lady was responsible for something and then fucked it all up by way of Jake Gyllenhaal's muscles), she is the guardian of a divine covenant and the dagger is sacred and that Dastan doesn't understand what's at stake- it's a matter for God's, not man. Which brings up the question: why the fuck does Man have this dagger if it's only for the God's?

*My guess is a few of the God's saw how awesome Jake Gyllenhaal's stunts were and said "fuck it, this dude's cool. Let's give him a weird sword thing that can manipulate time."*

So Dastan, being wanted by all of Perisa, decides to be a bad-ass and head to his fathers funeral (who was the KING of PERSIA, btw, meaning a huge turnout at his funeral) to try and tell his uncle Ben Kingsly about the dagger. Kingsly instead lies to him about how his brothers are all against him, when it's really him who wants everything bad to happen! After a ridiculous fight/escape scene, we cut to Kingsly telling Tus about how Dastan tried to kill him at the dagger meeting, but it (again) was the other way around. Ben's also got this squad of elite fighters, Hassansin's, set up to do his dirty work for him, and they are pretty brutal and precise.

There were a few real strong points in this film, one of them (in my opinion) being the acting of Molina. While he turned on an accent very similar to Johnny Depp's "Jack Sparrow" voice, I thought he did a fine job in the film. Funny and smart, he was in charge and everyone knew it.

So just what is this movie about, really? On one hand: Dissension. Dastan's step-brothers Tus and Garsiv are both vying for the throne (not in a scheming way or anything), but so is Kingly. We don't realize until mid-way through the film that it is really Kingsly behind everything and Dastan's brothers are just unknowing pawns in his master plan.

It's also about videogame to movie adaptation. If Halo is ever going to be made into a film (doubtful), it has to look seriously at the success of other videogames being transferred to the silver screen. Prince of Persia is a great game series, and the film adaptation was exciting and interesting- it couldn't be just like the game, because then the entire film would be Gyllenhaal fighting waves of dude and constantly doing wallflips. I thought the film was a good representation of the games and hope they continue the series.

Another selling point are the stunts in this flick. Lots of really cool flips off of random bars that appear to be everywhere (hey! just like the videogame!), Dastan barely escaping tons of arrow fire and sword play by flipping and sliding all over the shit- if Jake did his own stunts, I'm impressed. There are lots of strange panoramic shots throughout the film, eerily similar to those found in the game.

Penny Rose, the same lady responsible for the costumes in the Pirates of the Caribbean series, was the costume designer for this film, and you could really tell. Everything had an elaborate and intricate feel to it, from set design to costumes- especially costumes. Jerry Bruckheimer produced this bad boy, so it had his stamp on it which is always a good thing.

The DVDs bonus features are also pretty good, showing a nice behind the scenes look at how the film was made. A good variety of the outside scenes were shot in Morocco, but the majority of the film was shot in England at Pine Wood Studios (the largest stage in Europe btw). It's the same studio where tons of 007 films were shot, although I would never make the comparison between this and any Bond movie.  Also, we get to watch an interview with Bill River, ostrich race coordinator for the film.

While the movie does seem like a commercial for buff Jake Gyllenhaal, the Prince of Persia videogame series and gnarly parkour stunts, it won me over with a good cast, interesting story line and, well, gnarly parkour stunts. And hot Persian women.

I'd say it's a decent film, an alright adaptation of the video game series, but I do feel that another try is in order- I hope they make a sequel, Lord knows they have enough material to do it.

Overall 3/5

The Round-Up!

By Steve Kochems

Alright folks, it’s been a busy few weeks. I’m broke and swamped with outside activities, keeping me from my beloved blog. So, basically I’m going to do a brief blurp about a few significant movies that have come out in the last few weeks. Most of the mainstream hits will be up there, though I don’t know that you’ll want to hear what I’ve gotta say. Plus, a few movies that I really wished I could get to a theater to see, even if I have to sneak in. Ready, break!

Easy A

Alright, I do like Emma Stone, and not just for looks. She’s shown some good talent in the comedic in Superbad and more importantly, Zombieland. I’ve heard this is basically a modern take on Nathaniel Hawthorne’s The Scarlet Letter. And I’m completely okay with that. She more or less is branded a whore and deals with that reputation in high school, so it’s a pretty standard high school flick for that matter. I don’t think it’ll blow me away, but it certainly has the potential to be one of the better films of the year.
 
Projected: 3.5 out of 5

The Town

Who doesn’t like to mock Ben Affleck? Seriously, for the most part he is quite awful. However he is the director behind Gone Baby Gone, which if you haven’t seen is quite good. The Town seems like a decent enough thriller with heavy Boston accents (I’m hoping Departed heavy) but leaves me with a single worry. The trailer seems to reveal too much information, so ultimately the film can now go two ways. It either has shown too much and will ultimately be a letdown, or it has another ace up its sleeve somewhere. I’m inclined to think the former, but I should give him the benefit of the doubt based on the aforementioned film. I hope for the latter.

Projected: 4 out of 5

Devil

First things first, Shy-a-malayan did not direct this picture, but was a producer. So with him and George Lucas out of the director’s chair, we are one step further from this twist being aliens. Thank God. However, this film does have a chance. Anyone who has discussed it with me in person has seen the brilliant thematic possibilities that I see in this movie. But then I watched the new trailer and there’s a demon or something in the elevator. Fuck. So like The Town, I think this film has a chance. Unfortunately it’s about as good as the Bills winning 8 games this year. And if it fails, it’s going to fail hard. Sorry Shammy.

Projected: 1 out of 5

Resident Evil: Afterlife

I’ve never been a fan of this. I’m also not a huge fan of 3D. And I’ve never played the video games. Do you really think I’m going to expect big things? Not at all. But it could be B-Movie fun at its best. A series of films that has gone as long as this, and to their credit maintained the same lead, usually doesn’t draw great expectations from its audience. So if you’re a fan of them, you probably don’t care what I think about it. Otherwise, don’t expect much.

Projected: 2 out of 5

The American

This is where I’m going to split with a lot of folks. The trailers are trying to push it off as this assassin suspense thriller, but the truth is it’ll really be a very humane character piece. And George Clooney is the man for that. He, and the film, could be put in Oscar contention after what has been a lackluster year in solid films. I can’t tell you much that the trailer hasn’t, but if you like Clooney and can deal with a film that savors each moment (what some might call a boring and slow pace), this will be a real treat.

Projected: 4.5 out of 5

Machete

B-Movie fun at its finest? Yeah, this is the one for that. Based on a fake trailer that debuted a few years back, this might be what everyone hoped MacGruber was. I won’t expect a good deal from it, but what I will expect is blood and bad action lines. Machete can deliver that.

Projected: 3 out of 5

Going the Distance

God, I hate romantic comedies. I also hate Drew Barrymore. So, to put it briefly, I will probably hate this movie. The saving grace could only be Charlie Day (Mike: I heard it was! Now I have to see it...), but I doubt it.

Projected: 0.5 out of 5

The Black Swan

From immense hate to immense love. Black Swan, I’ve heard, is a masterpiece of sexual tension and struggle with the perfect cast to do it (not my words either). Vincent Cassel and Mila Kunis both seem to be at the top of their game, but what really drives this movie for me is Natalie Portman. Now, I realize that some of you have been led to believe in some fascination that I seem to have with her, but this is completely objective when I say that based on the word of mouth and the provocative trailer, she’ll be in Oscar contention. Now, this is a movie about ballet which will deter some. It certainly would for me normally but it seems that it hits on many other levels (including Mila Kunis and Natalie Portman making out? It’s the rumor!). I can’t judge it until I see it, but the trailer does give a glimpse of what could be the best film of the year. I am really excited to see this one.


Projected: 5 out of 5

127 Hours

Ok, for those of you who don’t know, this film is based on the true story of Aron Ralston (played by James Franco) who spent 127 hours trapped in the mountains. When I heard this would be a film, I sighed. Then I heard Danny Boyle (Slumdog Millionaire) would be directing. Then I heard James Franco, who has more acting chops than he’s given credit for, would be the lead. Now it has my attention. The overly critical and fairly harsh RopeofSilicon.com gave it a good grade. While this is usually a good sign, I can’t help but look back and remember that they also gave the newly booted Clash of the Titans a B+, which is a very generous offer to even review that film in the first place. So I don’t know what to expect out of this movie, it has all the parts in place and a decent enough premise, ultimately powered by the fact that the story is about a real triumph of one man, but I don’t know that it will blow me away. Unlike Black Swan, I don’t think I’ll drive to see this limited release, but if it comes up nearby I would probably stop in. Again, big potential but don’t let that cloud what you’ve seen about the movie.


Projected: 3.5 out of 5

The Running Man

Reviewed by Mike

Thanks to the internet, Xbox 360 and Netflix combination I have, I was able to watch a late night treat a few nights back that I haven't seen in a very long time. Browsing through the "New Arrivals" section of Netflix, I spotted The Running Man, a late 1980s action-thriller starring none other than Arnold Schwarzenegger.
 
The Running Man, based loosely (and I really have to put emphasis on the word loosely here) on the Stephen King novel of the same name, is the title of a game show in a future where the police/government run everything. Convicts, bad guys and all around assholes are allowed to try their luck at the game show in exchange for their freedom from prison or a cash reward (not really, all winners are totally murdered in horrific ways... but the audience doesn't know that yet!).

The game pits the bad guys- in our case, Arnold- against the good guys, known as the Slayers. The show, hosted by a flamboyant jerkoff named Damon Killian (Richard Dawson), sends the contestants through an obstacle course of sorts- they have to make their way across something like 400 city blocks, going through four different checkpoints along the way. If they can't do it in three hours, they're dead. Oh, and all the Slayers are after them and they all have ridiculous abilities to try and stop (kill) the contestants.

The concept for the show is pretty interesting. People all over America literally stop what they are doing when this show comes on, they're that addicted to watching it. Gambling runs rampant, and it's no wonder why: there have only been three winners. EVER. It's like a better version of American Idol, except in this case the losers get murdered by sumo wrestlers with hockey sticks (not kidding). If only it was like this today...

The film starts off in a high-tech (1987) helicopter, piloted by the Muscles from Brussels himself. He's some sort of government agent, sent to break up a peaceful riot (yeah, I don't know how riots can be peaceful either, but that's what they said), except there's one hitch: Arnold's boss order him to kill all the rioters! Noooooo!!

Arnold doesn't do it, his buddies do and blame him (fuckin jerks), he gets sent to prison for the crime, he escapes by way of exploded heads and assault rifle torso blasts, ends up kidnapping a hot Latin chick who turns him in (bitch), and ends up on The Running Man.

Arnie, who plays a character named Ben Richards by the way, doesn't really want to be on the show but ends up not having much of a choice due to extenuating circumstances: his prison buddies he escaped with got caught and if he doesn't do the show, they get to take his spot.

I won't ruin the rest of the flick, but I will say that Arnie ends up doing his thing in usual fashion The movie is pretty action filled, with explosions and what not, but the most interesting two things were the acting of Richard Dawson and the Slayers. Richard Dawson, of Family Feud fame, is a real grade A dick in this movie. The entire time I watched it, I found myself wondering "when will his uppins come!?" Well, fear not guys, his uppins do come and in great form- you just have to wait 90 minutes first.

The other great part of this flick was the Slayers. In the King version of this story, they were called Hunters and they, well, hunted Ben Richards down like a dog. They used guns and army tanks and shit like that... it wasn't quite the same in the film. Some writer must have thought "hmmm, guns and army tanks are old school. You know what they'll have in the future!? Flamethrowers and motorcycles with chainsaws on them!"

The Slayers "abilities" were nothing but amusing- Subzero (Professor Toru Tanaka) is a sumo wrestler sized henchman who lures contestants into his hockey rink lair (yeah, this guy wears goalie equipment and his weapon is a metal goalie stick with spikes and shit all over it... what happens if the contestants don't go to his lair? Does he run after them with all that shit on?) and then slices them up like sushi. Buzzsaw's weapon of choice is... a chainsaw. Dynamo shoots electric bolts from his hands by way of this weird pack that he wears. Fireball (Jim Brown!) uses a flamethrower while Captain Freedom (Jesse Ventura) doesn't do much but act like a big old vagina.

It was actually kind of insulting, thinking that a mere flamethrower or chainsaw could ever bring down Schwarzenegger- he killed the Predator for fuck sake.

I have to admit that I really enjoyed this flick, despite the fact that it is almost nothing like the book and absurd on, like, every single level imaginable. The King version of The Running Man wouldn't have really worked as a film due to the shortness of the book and utter lack of action. Don't get me wrong, there was still a lot of action in King's version and the book was much more interesting/enjoyable in my opinion (better character development and ending), but it simply wouldn't have been a very good movie. Let me put it this way: It's doubtful Arnold would have put his stamp on it if it wasn't rewritten.

This film, strange enough, won the Best Supporting Actor award from the Academy of Science Fiction, Fantasy & Horror Films- the award went to Dawson and that doesn't surprise me because he did such a great job a being such a dick. Dawson's acting (he was a game show host for fuck sake) was superb and definitely added to the flicks quality. The action was exciting and it was a very fun movie to watch.

Arnold was at his best in The Running Man, one of his more overlooked films in comparison to The Terminator, Total Recall or Jingle All the Way (yeah, I went there). The cast was interesting (Frank Zappa's son Dweezil had a small part... random, right?), the story was interesting and the end was satisfying.

While it was no It, I thought this was a pretty good film based on a King novel and I would recommend it to anyone interested in a quick thrill... or laugh.


2.5 out of 5 running men

Scott Pilgram vs. the World

Reviewed by Steve Kochems

From the moment the Atari-esk Universal logo came up, the aforementioned film did one thing that I haven’t seen another film do nearly as well, and that is a nearly perfect translation from a technologically driven source text to final film. Now, it might be perfect but I don’t know because I’ve never read the graphic novel, but going simply on hearsay and what I saw in the film, it seems like an uber-geeks acid trip gone terribly correct.

At the head of the film is Scott Pilgram (who knew?), status – awesome, who is well played by Michael Cera (Superbad, Juno). A lot of people give Cera flack (Mike), but he’s really developing into a good actor who can keep a solid balance of genuine sensitivity with awkward comedic undertones. Anyways, Scott meets this girl in a dream and then finds her and needs to defeat her seven evil ex’s in order to win her love. Yup, I’m more of an Olive Garden kind of guy.

From a screenwriting standpoint, the general style of the film has a blended feel, as if they mashed both a graphic novel and an old Zelda for Super Nintendo into a movie. And it works. They hit all the points they should (though the ending drags a bit) and the wide array of characters will generally keep you interested to see which evil ex-boyfriend comes up next.

Perhaps the most interesting part is in the first twenty minutes, where Scott seems to cut in and out of reality (as the film cuts from scene to scene quickly almost without Scott knowing). That might be what makes him such a likable character from the get go, if the narrative seems to be jumping around without him (or the audience) knowing to where and, to some extent, why.

But of course, there are drawbacks. For me, the subject matter was only good enough to watch it once. I won’t buy it on DVD or see it again. I might watch it on TV. So it’s gotta lose points for that. If nothing else though, the movie can hold its own next to other graphic novel adaptation like V for Vendetta and 300, which isn’t so easy to do (see Watchmen). It also stands as a piece of quality filmmaking in a year that also boasted The Bounty Hunter and Clash of the Titans. So I will put my personal bias aside on that one and give the film its due.


4 out of 5 stars